Womb2Tomb

Christian Spirituality - what is it?

2010-01-30T18:43:00.001+08:00

This is proving to be harder than I thought. Whilst previously it was easy to rely and fall back on the wisdom of others to frame and articulate an argument or viewpoint, it is difficult to reach within to express and explain this phrase without the comfort and safety of footnotes. The nagging fear is this – if Christian Spirituality is what I think it is, then my inability to elucidate its essence in words is a worrying sign that I have not experienced it. However the fact that I made a statement like that shows an assumption about Christian Spirituality already -that it must be experienced. It therefore cannot be a theoretical construct or an abstract notion.

One thing for sure – I understand one part of the phrase. At least I am a Christian. The question then remains if I am, at the same time, spiritual. However, if my memory of “Theological Foundations I” serves me well, then I am both a physical and a spiritual being. Theologians, of course, differ on whether we are primarily physical and secondarily spiritual, or primarily spiritual and secondarily physical. That, I suppose, is a moot point. We will never really know, will we? The bible doesn’t dichotomize this clearly, if it does at all.

So what is spirituality, in the context of being a Christian?

It must first start with an awareness – an awareness of our duality that exists in a non-exclusivity. This duality refers to our being – whilst we interact primarily and most easily and conveniently with the physical world through our senses of touch, smell, sight, hearing and taste; the other aspect of our being interacts with varying degrees of ease and comfort with the more intangible and invisible world of emotions, thoughts and attitudes. These two aspects of our being are inseparable and they ought to be brought to involvement with the other awareness that is brought to mind.

This other awareness is that of the Trinity Who exists in a community. Because the Triune God exists within an eternal loving relationship (after all, who did He love before there was anyone to love?), this serves as the basis for our interaction with Him. Spirituality therefore involves interacting with God both with our physical senses, as well as with our intangible side (the soul or the spirit). It no longer exists as a theoretical construct, but becomes exceedingly real and engaging in its expression - whether it is an expression of love or a tussle of will.

However this one-on-one engagement between man and God spills over to an engagement between man and man. Because God does not exist as a singular entity within Himself but is continually in relationship within the Triune Godhead, man therefore, as a truly spiritual person, cannot exist as a singular entity if he is created in Imago Dei. He realizes then that he is created for relationship - with his Creator and with the creation.

Christian Spirituality then is intensely personal (an ongoing dialogue with the Creator) as well as expressively communal (an ongoing dialogue with the creation).

However, before this descends dangerously towards the realm of New Age Spirituality where all is God, let me qualify that Christian Spirituality must then be rooted in the Person of Jesus Christ and having its foundation and expressions firmly grounded in the Word.

Contemplation and expression are two characteristics of Christian Spirituality. Without contemplation, expression becomes haphazard and directionless. Without expression, contemplation becomes insular and meaningless. Christian spirituality thus involves a great deal of effort to maintain a balance between these two.

Perhaps it is not enough to attain balance as much as it is important to have contemplation and expression in a continuous cycle – by this I mean that contemplation leads to expression which requires re-contemplation of the expression which in turns leads to a renewed and reviewed re-expression, and so on. Before this degenerates into mere rhetoric, I think it simply means we have to think about what we do, and do after we think.

For this to happen, I believe there is a need to actively carve time out of our busy rushing schedules. Taking time out, wasting time with God and with each other, is rare and difficult to do but thoroughly and absolutely essential. A deliberate slowing down in order to speed up later, is therefore a spiritual discipline that defines the depth and breadth of one’s Christian Spirituality. Having eternity in our hearts is as important as the reality of the finiteness of time.

It has been a convoluted few pages worth of contemplation about Christian Spirituality. I hope in the course of this module, for which time has been deliberately proportioned out of the normal schedule, a deepened understanding of Christian Spirituality learned will translate to a heightened expression of lived out Spirituality – both in relation to the Creator as well as with His creation.

And all this in His good time.

I wonder

2009-04-19T01:27:00.002+08:00

I wonder what I will see when I peel away the titles behind my name. (MBBS, GDCS, MEd)

I wonder who I will encounter when I shed the titles from my shoulders. (PCT, LTK, FMC, YM)

Will I like what I see?

Will I recognise him?

Perhaps it's time to find out.

To Be Or Not To Be With

2009-04-19T01:06:00.002+08:00

I heard an interesting sermon today - it was what an impactful homily ought to be - simple yet profound.

I had always agreed that we ought not be caught up with the DOING. After all, we are human BEINGS, and surely what we ought to focus on must be the BEING.

I was proven wrong this evening and as I sit typing this, I am beginning indeed to see how self-centred the first two propositions must be. One is concerned with the action by self, the other is concerned with the condition of self.

Surely what we must be concerned primarily ought to be "BEING WITH". Relationship. With whom?

I am reminded of the garden story - where God asked, "Adam, where are you?" And I am reminded of another story from the tree - where Christ said, "Today, you will BE WITH me in paradise."

Being with.

I think it's perhaps a good time to step back and step out in order to BE WITH.

End of a season, beginning of another ...

2008-12-29T22:17:00.003+08:00

It wasn't easy to click that "send" button today. After all, I've been in this familiar place since 2002, and I've grown to love the people here. I visited the LW and OT Recept on 26th Dec, and felt the immediate warmth from the staff there - old friends.

I'll miss them. I'll miss the irritating lift music. I'll miss the "ah-mah" who calls me "ah-di" most times and "doctor" only when she needs a prescription - she still remembers me when we meet at the corridoors even though I had officially left the division 4 years ago. I'll miss the bak-chor mee and the uncle who sells it - I have stopped vocalising my orders a long time ago - he sees me coming and he prepares the food automatically. I'll miss my boss - probably as quirky as I am, but one whom i respect immensely for his ideals.

And so i finally clicked the button at 5.30 pm. Symbolically it marked an end of a long season of my training in my life, yet somehow deep inside, I feel our paths will cross again, sometime, somehow.

Tomorrow I sign on the dotted line. Symbolically it will mark the start of a new season - probably another period of training - how long this time i cannot tell. I just pray for added grace, and faith.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

A random adaptation of an anonymous poem

2008-12-10T13:47:00.003+08:00

I thought,"To be the voice of God,
I'd climb the topmost steeple."
But God remarked,
"Get down from there,
The ground is where there're people."

- Kenny Tan (10 Dec 2008)

A Gentle Reminder - Just so I remember.

2008-11-25T21:39:00.001+08:00

I tried to hear the voice of God
And climbed the topmost steeple
And God replied, "Go down again"
"I dwell among the people."

- anonymous

A reflection of an MEd journey

2008-11-17T12:55:00.005+08:00

The last 18 months has been an interesting journey, a foray into a sphere which I had no prior knowledge or experience of. Being trained in the sciences and research, it became increasingly difficult, yet at the same time enlightening, to delve into the qualitative world of educational, social and leadership studies. I was more comfortable with absolute numbers (faceless and clinical), rather than a myriad of words (from flesh and blood individuals) which I had to interpret and make sense of.

Such was the pain that I had to endure. The discomfort grew even more when I finally realized and resigned to the fact that my final project had to have components of qualitative research. How was I to make sense of it all? The pain grew even more intense when to my horror, I found I had to transcribe open-ended answers into an excel sheet for analysis. The excel sheet exceeded the usual A3-paper dimensions that I was familiar with … I had to constantly distinguish between the gastric pain of skipped meals or the gastric pain induced by the stress of ‘translating’ responses into coherent conclusions – some of which I still am unconvinced of.

Like they say, ‘every cloud has its silver lining’ so every pain has its gain. I have not only lost necessary weight in the last couple of days/weeks, but have also gained a newfound respect (surprisingly) for this aspect of qualitative research, so much so that I recently bought myself an MP3 recorder into which to speak my thoughts as they fleet into my brain. Yes, I have certainly begun to talk to myself much more nowadays, and occasionally I do also record my friends’ conversations – with and without their knowledge. You never know when it will come in useful … On a more serious note, this MEd program has indeed opened doors into "..." which I am currently exploring with "..". If they really think I have gained much from MEd, who am I to argue otherwise? We’ll see …

Would I do this again? I guess I will miss the pain too much and have experienced much gain, that I am now considering a PhD in ".." – the topic of which is still in its gestational stage. In the meantime, I really should get down to completing the other thesis for my MCS by June 2009 …

- wrote this as part of my reflection for my final research project for the MEd (some details were left out to retain confidentiality...)

Voices

2008-09-06T21:25:00.002+08:00

No ... I have not turned schizophrenic.

But really .. I certainly do behave in a schizoid manner - what with all the different voices calling out to me, within me - the voice of reason, the voice of experience ...

And yet amidst the noise, I do need to discern the voice of faith, the voice of truth ... pounding at the door of my heart and spirit with an urgency mixed with profound patience, with a passion wrapped in gracious gentleness.

Which voice will I listen to?

"I am the good shepherd, and my sheep hear my voice."

Unplugged.

Emotions

2008-08-27T15:21:00.002+08:00

It's been almost a month since I last wrote. Things seem to be gradually falling in place, and there is some clarity and light at the end of the tunnel.

Yet I am a mixed bag of emotions - the excitement is interspersed with apprehension, and the anticipation is waylaid sometimes by occasional doubt.

Leaving my current comfort zone means leaving behind that which I have grown accustomed to for the last 3 years. The freedom I have now will give way to yet another aspect of freedom - giving up some rights in order to attain other rights - all these bring a sense of discomfort and tension, but yet there is a deep sense of the necessary.

A different phase of preparation. A different plane of experience.

Different yet the same. That sense of trust and abandon to the will of the Father must remain.

A different path perhaps. But the same companion.

Mammon or Mission ?

2008-07-29T13:27:00.004+08:00

What do I work for?

I went to bed last night with this nagging question in my mind. Cognitively I knew the correct answer - surely it must be the mission that God placed in my heart - Missio Dei. But when the reality and crunch came, I found myself standing before the imaginary monetary scales - fixated, enthralled, anxious.

I tossed and turned in bed - thinking that it must have been the overdose of caffeine that was causing my mind to race at that unearthly hour. It was only upon realising the true intent of the question that was weighing upon my mind and heart that I stood still before the scale, and overturned it. There can be no comparison.

The mission is paramount. The mammon is secondary.

Missio Dei.

With that, I slipped instantly into a peaceful sleep.

Pointe

2008-07-23T11:25:00.001+08:00

Just so I remember who is greater than my giants

Can I be trusted?

2008-07-21T14:12:00.003+08:00

Sometimes the Lord brings us to uncomfortable situations to remind us of our own shortcomings. In gentle yet startling ways, He challenges our prejudices and exposes our hypocrisy. It was at a recent missions conference (yes, missions) that I discovered a huge log in my eye - one that smarted immediately upon my own discovery of its presence. Before that I was comfortable with the myopia and blurred vision.

He was an "odd-ball" - to put it simply. "Crashing" into the seminar room, he was abrasive and loud. The discomfort within the room of 'mission-minded' people was immediate and entirely palpable. Strangely enough, I was drawn to him - and decided to chat him up during the break.

What began as a weak attempt to be brotherly developed into an uncomfortable exercise of drilling into the deepest recesses of my heart. He was certainly not the easiest person to talk to - his mannerisms and propensity of invading into my personal physical space (a city-dweller, I was more comfortable with a respectable distance between faces during conversations, and had to stop myself from retreating everytime he advanced into my comfort zone); his loud and abrasive speech (as a medical person, I desperately rationalised that it was because of his hearing problem that he was shouting into my face); his stark and unabashed requests (I had to pull his bag for him, buy drinks for him during dinner) - all these clashed immediately with the 'properness' of behaviour and etiquette that I was more accustomed to.

Was he a consummate confabulator ? - the 'psychologist' within me asked. Or was he delusional ?
Or was he genuinely deaf and handicapped ? - the 'doctor' within me attempted to diagnose.

Could his stories be trusted? Could he be trusted?

Then the painful whisper came crashing down on me.

"Can I trust you with someone like him? Can I entrust someone like him to your care?"

The fact is - they don't come white-washed and sanitised. Didn't Paul admonish in Ephesians 2 to remember our former estate from where we were saved? As much as we never came to Him sanitised first, we are still in the process of being sanctified. Can a building under construction judge the scaffolding found on another cathedral?

I fear the day a hospital turns away the sick because they are sick.

Can I be trusted?

Shepherd, lead me

2008-07-09T15:55:00.003+08:00

And I know that God is leading

In a clear and certain way

My one life for Your purpose, Jesus

I offer up this day

To follow You completely

To do all that You say

Cleanse my life, fill me up

And use me this day

Make a certain breakthrough

Make it today

- Ann Chan -

Self-reminder

2008-06-17T10:59:00.001+08:00

"You crown the year with your bounty, and your carts overflow with abundance. "
- Psalm 65:11, NIV

Just so that I remember.

The Deafening Silence

2008-06-16T19:28:00.002+08:00

Is it silence that is deafening, or my anxious heart that is screaming?
What is it that i hear?
Surely it can't be the silence, because silence is exactly what it is - silent.
Then it has to be the tempest within a heart that races
And it takes silence to surface it.

"find rest my soul
in christ alone
know his power
in quietness and trust"

God will make a way

2008-06-13T09:41:00.004+08:00

Surely it's not a coincidence that I've been asked the same questions a couple of times by different people over the last few weeks ...

"Hey, how old are you now ah?"
"What are your plans for the future?"

I would like to think that these are well-meaning people, and I most certainly think they are. Maybe I've finally aged enough for them to realise that I'm almost (the word is ALMOST) in my mid-thirties ... or perhaps they've finally noticed that I don't seem to have a definite career plan or path ahead of me ... which suddenly has become most disconcertingly apparent to even myself.

Was just sharing with a close friend recently that I seem to be excelling in neither of the two worlds that I am straddling. She reminded me that I've been so used to over-achieving that it's about time I had a sense of being an under-achiever; it's good to be in the low-ways after cruising on the highways most of my life.

A humbling experience definitely. One that ought to drive me to trust in the One who drives me.
I remember singing this song with new-found meaning after I received an email a few days ago which more or less crushed my hopes - "Did you complete your specialization?"

"God will make a way, where there seems to be no way,
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me,
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way."

A Poem of Anonymity

2008-06-05T17:14:00.004+08:00

When God wants to drill a man and thrill a man and skill a man
When God wants to mould a man to play the noblest part
When He yearns with all His heart to create so bold and great a man
that all the world might be amazed,
Watch His methods, watch His ways
How He ruthlessly perfects whom He royally elects
How He hammers and hurts him, and with mighty blows converts him
Into trial shapes of clay that only God understands
While his tortured heart is crying and he lifts beseeching hands
How He bends but never breaks
When his good He undertakes
How He uses whom He chooses
And with mighty acts induces him to try His splendour out
God knows what He is about.

- anonymous

I'm back! (the 4 R's of service)

2008-05-15T14:31:00.003+08:00

The procrastination had lasted long enough. There was only so much that one could reflect on before it became a lame excuse for sloth. However, as lame as it may sound, the procrastination did do me some good as the last few months have been akin to a life-changing, paradigm-shifting experience for me as I reflected on what vocation, work and ministry meant to me.

“The romance of service” – this is how I would term my view of the traditional understanding of full-time ministry. After all, was it not conventionally taught over the pulpit that the highest form of worship and service one could give as a child of God was to enter into full-time ministry, as a preacher, pastor or missionary? Did we not call Charles Spurgeon the “prince of preachers”? I had not heard of any ‘prince of businessmen’ before.
And so when I decided to quit full-time doctoring three years ago to go into bible school, I was filled with the romance of service, where I thought I was pursuing the highest calling any Christian could make. It really didn’t help that this notion was accentuated by well-meaning Christians who patted me on the back and told me what a sacrifice I was making for the kingdom!
With two and a half days freed up from conventional work, I was filled with excitement of how I would fill them up with church ministry and activities. What’s more – I would do it for free!

“The reality of service” – romance quickly gave way to reality the longer I spent at the church office, and the more time I interacted with those I sought to emulate. Peering into pastoral faults at close range became disconcerting and discouraging; experiencing a lack of encouragement and affirmation for ‘sacrifices’ made me question the ‘rightness’ of my choice. Was I truly called to full-time ministry?
What made it even more difficult was the fact that I still retained a part-time position in the hospital which meant that I was still in contact with former medical colleagues. It became increasingly difficult and bruising to my ego to see my colleagues, and worse, my juniors promoted. It became very easy for me to start calculating the opportunity costs incurred and comparing my position in life with those of my contemporaries. Worse, I started to have a complaining attitude for what I happily chose in the first place…

“The repulsion of service” – This disappointment with my romantic view of service drove me to consider other options that began opening up. A friend approached me to helm a medical service in overseas (my mind wandered to the recoverable lost dollars as well as a chance to ‘minister’ to the locals); another offer came to teach students (my mind wandered to the prestige of an academic career as well as a chance to ‘minister’ to the students).
I seemed to be able to justify a move back where I came from, where I didn’t have to count the cost so much. After all, I would still be an influence – and this soothed the guilt.
Little did I realise that romance had died under the weight of reality, leading to an ungodly and self-seeking attitude.

“Father, let me be weak that I might loose my clutch on everything temporal. My life, my reputation, my possessions, Lord, let me loose the tension of the grasping hand.” –Jim Elliot

“The reverence of service” – It took a while navigating through the first three stages, and occasionally I still detour into those side alleys again, before steering my way back. It took this course, as well as the gracious pursuit by God, to bring me to where I currently am now.
I remember one night in late December in 2007, right after a particularly trying period of time during which I felt misunderstood, under-appreciated and persecuted. I had just attended Wednesday chapel at BGST that week, where I was particularly struck by the speaker who spoke on the Jesus’ question “what would you like me to do for you?” It was a eureka moment for me as up til then I had not thought about that question. Most of my life had been “Lord, what can I do for you?”
It was a turning point when I told the Lord what I wanted Him to do for me in 2008. I remember telling Him with all my heart that I wanted to see the world, the greater work that He was doing, rather than remain in my own little courtyard. I wanted to be exposed to other works that He was doing in the family. I wanted to meet people who would inspire me.
I had no idea that He was really going to take me at my word…

The Bishop
A long cherished dream of meeting the Bishop materialised one day when I was chatting with a medical colleague, when out of the blue he offered to arrange a session for me to talk to him.
It was a surreal experience sitting in this elder church statesman’s office, asking him what it was like to give up his medical practice to pursue an ecclesiastical calling, and if he ever felt like it was a waste. “Nothing is a waste, but God is able to use what skills you had through your previous training in your current vocation” was a summary of what he said. “For all you know, the Lord might bring you back one full circle at the end of the day” was the comment he made as I shared about the different opportunities that were showing up.
Beyond the advice that this saintly man gave to me, I caught something much more significant – it was a sense of tranquility and contemplation in the man. How did one with so many responsibilities for a major denomination remain sane and focussed in his service? I concluded it must be an inner life of deep contemplation, from which exuded an assurance of knowing one’s station in life.

The Priest
The priest was a paradox of sorts, challenging and over-turning many of my preconceived notions of a full-time minister. To begin with, he stayed in a million-dollar condominium shared with his businesswoman wife and two daughters. Next, he exhibited an ability to appreciate the finer things in life – showing me the different plants that he painstakingly cared for and pruned every Monday (his Sabbath day), inviting me and the other guests to partake of the champagne before the simple evening meal of pizza. With my mind reeling (not from the alcohol), I asked myself if I had mistakenly equated full-time ministry with poverty, or more accurately, if I had equated spirituality with an ascetic lifestyle. I realised I had almost equated service to God with a renouncement of who I was. It was as if in seeking to serve God, I would say as Barth did,
“There is no suggestion that any sense of self-fulfilment or self-realization can legitimately enter into the discussion.” Was this why I was feeling a sense of tension?

“The kind of work God usually calls you to is the kind of work that you most need to do and the world most needs to have done … Thus, the place God calls you is the place your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” – Frederick Buechner

The place of your deep gladness – this must certainly be where I sense I am fully using my gifts and talents for the kingdom. Should I not agree more with Balthasar, than with Barth, who said “what most fully awakens a sense of the self as a person before God is participation in the mission of Christ, which has its goal in the realization of the kingdom of God”?

The Priest mentioned four callings or vocations which one could take. While I am sure they were not exhaustive, I felt they were quite representative. The academic vocation, the missionary vocation, the pastoral vocation and the marketplace vocation. His short musing brought to mind what the Bishop said – would I indeed be able to put my talents, education and passion into good use; all combined into a special concoction like none other? Would I be able to move from one vocation to another in different seasons of life, or would I be able to exist in a gift-mix or a ‘voca-mix’ like an academic-pastoral vocation, missionary-pastoral vocation, academic-marketplace vocation? Certainly the creativity of God allows for that!

I was greatly humbled and chastised by Eugene Peterson's words, reminding me that
“The Christian life consists in what God does for us, not what we do for God; the Christian life consists in what God says to us, not what we say about God. We also, of course, do things and say things, but if we do not return to Square One each time we act, each time we speak, beginning from God and God’s Word, we will soon be found to be practicing a spirituality that has little or nothing to do with God.”

I realised my starting point was off the mark. Rather than being romanced by service, I ought to have been romanced by the One whom I sought to serve; rather than being shocked by the reality of service, I ought to have been captured by the Reality of the One whom I sought to serve; rather than being repulsed by service, I ought to have been repulsed by the thought of not being able to serve Him. The reverence of service can only come about through a deep reverence for the One whom I sought to serve.

And so I end this brief reflection of my journey thus far. I cannot tell where the road will lead in the near future, but I can be sure who leads the way. And while I am on this road, I echo the prayer of Jim Elliot, who said,

"Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road: make me a fork, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me."

Amen.

Love and submission

2007-02-05T14:25:00.000+08:00

I had to learn a lesson on "Love and Submission" over the last few weeks. It has been both frustrating and painful. Half of me decried "mediocrity! and incompetence!" - why should I be made to suffer for another's problem? why should I be made to 'shoulder' the blame for others?
The other half of me remembered the two words that came so clearly from the start -"Love" and "Submission".

I had a choice - to be vintage wine or degenerate to undrinkable vinegar.

I made the choice to be wine. Against almost every grain in my body, I decided to submit and not argue my case further.

A door was closed yesterday. Almost as soon as that happened, another door opens.

Did God close that door to open another?

What shall I make of it?

What lesson lies ahead?

There is nothing new under the sun

2007-01-22T15:38:00.000+08:00

Searching for a thesis topic, I'm beginning to realise, is one of the hardest things to do. Nobody wants to write on a topic that has been dealt with ad nausem. It's like flogging a dead horse.

Apologetics? Bioethics? Or just intellectual gymnastics?

Someone commented to me last night, "Don't fudge confusion with confusion."

If that's not being innovative, what is?

Did I pick up the pick up?

2007-01-19T12:47:00.000+08:00

Was standing outside BGST after class last night with two other classmates, waiting for a cab when two ang moh girls came up to me.

"Hi!" One of them started. "Do you know of any nice drinking places we can go to?"

Aiyoh ... didn't they know TPagar is full of drinking places?

"Erm..." I stuttered. "Sorry, I don't drink ... so I dunno." "Maybe you can try walking straight ... then turn right ... then walk all the way down ..." Sheepishly pointing them towards the one drinking hole that I had been to eons ago.

"Really?" the girl replied enthusiastically, "Thank you!" before walking off.

. . .

I was feeling stupid until one of my classmates (who happens to be one of my cellmates as well) commented, "Eh .. I think they are expecting you to go drinking with them la!"

Wah sure or not? Me kenna picked up by two ang moh girls?

Oh well ... I hope they didn't get too lost though.

Mellowing maturity

2007-01-04T09:02:00.000+08:00

They say you mellow with age. I was startled by how much I had changed over the last year or so when it dawned on me that my usual aggressive and combative nature was giving way to a more 'sedate' and 'accomodative' one. When just a couple of months ago I would have chewed up (verbally or otherwise) people who, in my opinion, were either incoherent or inconsistent or both; I found myself stopping to try to understand the circumstances behind their behaviour (albeit with sighs of resignation), and to 'explain' away their behaviour.

Maturity? Perhaps.

They say wine matures with age.

Vintage or vinegar? What am I becoming?

That thin line ...

2006-11-20T16:19:00.000+08:00

I was once again confronted with mortality this week.

Somehow you don't feel as much when an elderly person passes away. After all, one can always rationalise that his time is up. But can we say the same of one who is fit and healthy? One whose life seemed to be just taking off?

A classmate of mine passed away this week ... in his sleep. When we heard the news, we were incredulous and it took a while (a long while in fact) for the news to sink in. One of my friends even went to the mortuary to confirm it.

I visited his funeral wake last night. It was a surreal experience to see him in the coffin. He had crossed that thin line between life and death.

I think back to my own cousin who passed away at 17 years of age, an acquaintance who passed away at 25 years old, and another colleague's husband who died recently at 35 years. And I am reminded of my own near-death experience 2 years ago. Will I be ready when the time comes to cross over?

"What is theology?" I asked that question in July this year.

In the light of what has happened since ...
"Theology is about knowing God, about knowing where I am and will be going, about telling others of my destination and bringing them along with me."

To what end, theology?

THAT THIN LINE.

An Attempt

2006-07-27T22:01:00.000+08:00

We had to share what we wrote during the tutorial.

Here's my take on the definition of theology as of July 2006.

1. “Theology is …”

Theology is the philosophized, verbalized and/or written form of the human study of the Divine, which illustrates one’s view of God, self, others; and as a result, directs one’s interaction with God, self and others.

2. “Theology is not …”

Theology is not infallible – by virtue of the fact that it is an encapsulation of human thought about the divine.

My lecturer expects our initial definition to change by the end of the course. Let's see what happens by October.

Theology ...

2006-07-25T00:02:00.000+08:00

What is theology ?

What is theology not ?

To what end, theology ?

I hope to be able to answer this soon, after my tutorial on Wed !

Welcome to my new blog !

2006-07-05T18:29:00.000+08:00

Ok ... so I've started a new blog just for photos which I've taken with my now-old digital camera. My repertoire is now only limited to still life because I cannot figure out the settings on the camera to capture anything that moves faster than me. I hope to graduate to homo sapiens in time to come.

A picture speaks a thousand words - so I am told. Each of these pictures means something to me. Since clouds, sunsets and sunrises can only speak so much, I hope to be able to communicate through more sophisticated shots in future. I just need to learn my vocabulary and I am no linguist.

The blog's called "PickTour" - anyone who can figure out the many reasons why it's called that will get a free meal from me.

Oh yes ... here's the address - www.picktour.blogspot.com

Dawning of a new era ...

2006-05-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

Finally signed up for broadband today. Yes, I've been surviving on dial-up all these years. Finally got to me one day when I took 3 hours to download an audio file from a friend.

But I couldn't really understand how few people actually shared in my excitement of having signed up for broadband though. I had to cajole and coerce them to congratulate me ...

Visited or impacted ?

2006-05-15T09:19:00.000+08:00

create your own visited country map
or check our Venice travel guide

Blending in

2006-04-27T17:10:00.000+08:00

Crowds. Living in a small country like Singapore, I am familiar with swarms of people around me, especially in Orchard road on weekends. As I read the gospel of Luke, I was struck this time by the frequent mention of crowds that surrounded Jesus wherever He went.
Regardless whether he was teaching, healing or just passing through towns, people from all walks of life ranging from tax collectors to women, Gentile and Jew, and even Pharisees and teachers of the law were attracted to Him – some, of course, for the most wrong and dubious reasons of trapping Him.
I followed this motif of crowds through the gospel and found it extended to his triumphal entry into Jerusalem where masses of His disciples cried out, “Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord!” (Luke 19:38a) Later on, another crowd came into the garden of Gethsemane to arrest Him and bring Him to the house of the High Priest where yet another crowd tried Him and brought Him before Pilate. Perhaps the most poignant moment for me was the point when the crowd shouted, “Crucify Him, crucify Him.” Luke mentions that their voices prevailed. (Luke 23:23) There was a crowd who witnessed His crucifixion and death, which included soldiers, Pharisees and His disciples. (Luke 23:33-49)
While herd instinct and crowd sentiment can be swayed from warmth to hatred within a short span of time, as we have seen in the gospel as well as in our modern times where support for a political personality or celebrity can swing from extreme to extreme, I wonder if my own reaction to the Lord sometimes is dependent on crowd sentiment at that time – Christian crowd sentiment.
How is my faith dependent on or independent of the crowd sentiment – both within and outside the Christian community? While my beliefs and creeds stem from the Christian hermeneutical community from which I come, and I join in this community in corporate worship and service to the Lord in church, how much of my motivations are derived from an inward reality and true relationship with the Savior ? And how much of my motivations are influenced by the expectations and “herd direction” of the “Christian crowd”?

Take me out of the crowd and what will my faith be? Remove me from the “security” and “comfort” of my Christian community, and will I become like Peter who said, “I do not know Him.”? (Luke 22:57) What will it take for me to stand out alone against the crowd?
It will take an undeniable faith in an undeniable God. I remember the story of Polycarp where, in front of a heathen crowd who had gathered to watch his trial and when asked to revile Christ, he replied to the magistrate, “'Fourscore and six years have I been His servant, and He hath done me no wrong. How then can I blaspheme my King who saved me?'”

I pray I do not just blend into the crowd.

The language of love

2006-04-27T16:03:00.000+08:00

Easy acceptance ? Or costly redemption ?

Fluffy romanticism ? Or determined sacrifice ?

---------

Dare I live it out too ?

The churchmouse and his cat ...

2006-04-27T13:19:00.000+08:00

Sitting alone in the church office since the pastoral staff have left for lunch. Decided not to eat so I wouldn't fall asleep doing my readings - but I am sure I will anyway ... (both to eat and fall asleep)

Since I have temporarily taken on the role of the caretaker churchmouse for the next hour or so, my thoughts drifted to my cat who had recently taken up new residence on the table next to my bed.

I wonder what goes on in that head of his ...

Of salt and rice ...

2006-04-26T12:56:00.000+08:00

Did my first sermon in the Chinese service last Sunday. It was quite a surreal experience - I really felt that I was speaking to my grandparents. It required a different style and content.

There were the necessary boo-boo's of course.

I mixed up the Chinese idiom and said they ate more rice than I ate salt. (It's the other way round).
I kept forgetting I was speaking in English and occasionally reverted to Mandarin and Hokkien (much to the consternation of Sis Jocelyn). Kudos to her for not giving up on me half way.

I learnt a few things along the way too.

I realised the church family isn't complete without the older folks. They bring a completion to the whole cycle of nursery, children's church, youth and adults.
I realised we haven't included them enough. Nor have we learnt from them enough.

Jocelyn used a Chinese idiom : "bao si liu pi, ren si liu ming" (too lazy and inadequate to write in Mandarin, go figure it out).
My vague English intepretation goes : "when the leopard dies, it leaves a skin; when a person dies, he leaves a name".

What legacy do we leave behind ?

Driver's seat or nosey passenger's seat ?

2006-04-21T16:06:00.000+08:00

Reds are motivated by POWER, seek productivity, and need to look good to others. Simply stated, REDS want their own way. They like to be in the drivers seat and willingly pay the price to be in a leadership role. REDS value whatever gets them ahead in life, whether it be at work, school, or in their personal relationships. What REDS value, they get done. They are often workaholics. They will, however, resist being forced to do anything that doesnt interest them.Reds need to appear knowledgeable. They crave approval from others for their intelligence and insight. They want to be respected even more than they want to be loved. They want to be admired for their logical, practical minds. REDS are confident, proactive, visionary, and can be arrogant, selfish, and insensitive. When you deal with a RED, be precise, factual, and direct.

Let's keep the good and work on the bad.

The Channel News TaiKeng Team

2006-04-21T13:30:00.000+08:00

Presenting the Rabbit, the King, the Queen ... and their production crew.

Banyan Rompin Tree

2006-04-03T21:08:00.000+08:00

I'm looking forward to church camp.
It's got a nice beach, nice pool, quiet "jungle" surroundings ... Just nice for a contemplative holiday.

Finally ...

2006-03-29T16:54:00.000+08:00

Ha ! Finally learnt how to get a picture onto my blog ! Here's my first foray into the world of picture voyeurism.

Drained.

2006-03-19T19:18:00.000+08:00

Exhausted after preaching at 2 services today. It's like your energy has ebbed away after pouring it out.

Yet the exhilaration is there. The exhilaration of knowing you were used as a mouthpiece of the King. But the doubts come crashing in - was it adequate enough ? Did I say the right things at the right time ?

Then I learn to commit it all to Him. It's not about me.

Yes. Like someone reminded me - it's back to solitude after victory.

Regress...Progress...

2006-02-13T17:54:00.000+08:00

Ok ... perhaps regression is not a good word.

What about ... "Rediscovering my youth" ?

Or ... "Forever young" ? hehehehe ...

I shall age gracefully ... and graciously ...

In any case ... I am experiencing new adventures ! And am looking forward to more !

Youth rubs off on you ...

2006-02-13T17:53:00.000+08:00

I know ! I know !

It's the youth services I've been attending !!!!

I'm regressing ...

2006-02-13T17:50:00.000+08:00

Good grief ... decided to re-visit the site 1 year later and guess what I found - I've regressed another 2 years ... that's slicing off 10 years off my actual age ...
Don't think I can or should go any lower - I certainly don't look it.. hehehehe

You Are 22 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Granny-in-the-Lord

2006-02-07T09:04:00.000+08:00

It's been 8 years since my granny went home to the Lord. I remember those days when I had to cope with her sickness and study for my final exams at the same time. The day of her operation was the day I went for my gyne final exam, and I remember seeing her wheeled to the operating theatre and then proceeding straight for my exam at the same hospital.

She used to carry me on her back when we crossed the road to Toa Payoh Lor 8 for breakfast when I was very young, and she used to joke that one day I would do the same for her. It came true 20 years later when I carried her down the stairs on the way to the hospital.

It was also her dream that I would become a doctor one day too. I did in 1998. And I remember coming home with my final exam results and telling her I had finally passed. She had gone home to the Lord by then - so I looked into her photo (which still stands on my living room table) and told her that I was now a doctor.

***************************

All these memories came flashing back last week. I said farewell to one of my "grannies-in-the-Lord" at Mandai last Friday. She was a jolly old lady who used to call me "doctor" whenever I visited. I never dropped a tear for another granny after mine passed away. She was the first.

I look forward to the day I will see them both again.

An amateur preacher's diary ...

2006-01-31T10:34:00.000+08:00

A few lessons learnt from preaching at 2 youth camps.

I had to learn to seek the face of Father. Since I was going to be His mouthpiece, I had better catch His heartbeat. And what better way to do so than to spend time with Him. Prayer and fasting I learnt was essential. And to be quiet before Him - to listen.

I had to learn to lay my own agendas aside. And yet at the same time, I realised that the Lord will also give freedom to develop what He has placed in my heart. It's a partnership, I learnt.

I also learnt Father's love. And because of Father's love, He will touch His children. Not because of my eloquence or lack of it, not because of the strength of my persuasion or lack of it - but only because He loves. I had to learn to trust Him. And that gave me freedom. Freedom knowing that I no longer had to deal with the stress to "perform" - I just needed to flow with His Spirit. I just needed to listen and obey.

I also learnt to hide back under the shadow of His wings. I had to retreat to Father in humility after each session - knowing and acknowledging that it was Him, not me. It had to be all about His Son, not this son; His glory, not mine. How fiercely jealous He was of His own glory. I had to learnt to fiercely guard His Glory - that it remains wholly His.

Lessons learnt. I pray they will not be easily and quickly forgotten.

The difference between orange and blue ...

2006-01-25T15:30:00.000+08:00

Went out with my prof for lunch today. And since we only had 1/2 hour for lunch, he asked me to tear the coupons while he parked.

I had 3 blue coupons in my hand ... (the only 3 left in the car)

I tore 2 ...

I thought each blue coupon was for 15 minutes ... (and each orange was for 30 minutes) ...

Apparently there are no such coupons for 15 minute-slots ...

I think my prof was too flabbergasted to be upset with me ...
"Eh ... you never tear coupons before ah ? Or you trying to use up all my coupons ?" He muttered as we got out of the car ...

I wasn't sure if the smile on his face was amusement or not ...

I was most enlightened today though.

Overdue - not the baby but the entry ...

2006-01-22T23:54:00.000+08:00

So I did my first delivery in the mission field ... Just when I was wondering what I was there for in November ...

The village midwife was pregnant and in labour ... she had come down the mountain to Pastor Danny's house when she found out we were there. But since the contractions were weak and irregular, I told her it was not time yet ... "perhaps tomorrow ... or in a few days ..."

The truth of the matter struck me when we reached the village at Bayan Bayanan the next day for Sunday service ... I was promptly ushered into her hut where I found her huffing and puffing away ...

"Ok .." This was it ... Wait a minute ... no gloves ... no CTG machine (cardiotocograph machine to look at baby's heart rate and contractions)... no sutures ... (ARRRGH !!!!)

Back to basics ... I timed the contractions with my hands on the tummy. Used the stethoscope in a "vain" (both puns are accurate in this situation!) attempt to listen to baby's heartbeat ... and SCREAM ... examined the poor lady with my bare hands ... (contrary to everything I learnt about aseptic technique and universal precautions...)

Anyway I messaged back to Singapore (church and doctor friends alike) - I had to find a spot with a one bar reception ... - please pray no bleeding and everything goes well for mother and baby ...

I had no way of stopping any major bleed if there was... no sutures to stitch up any major tears ... Back to basics ... Back to relying solely on the Lord.

It was also hilarious that the Aeta women were helping me ... The mother and Kits (Pastor Danny's wife) were the only ones who understood English ... So you can imagine here I was shouting "Push ! Push !" in a timed fashion and the Aeta women were looking for the "push" - they thought push was something I was asking them to get.

Anyway ... all glory to God - no major bleeding, no tears ... Everything went so smoothly it was over in about 2 1/2 hours !

Oh yes ... I forgot to mention ... they found ONE glove for me in the end ...

Deja vu

2006-01-14T18:17:00.000+08:00

The last time I complained about going to a wedding dinner on this blog was in July 2004 ... How time flies ! But it's the same deja vu feeling I'm getting - a mild depression - of having to go through the hassle of dressing up for the event (well ... not much of dressing up since my repertoire of wedding clothes hasn't changed much in 1 1/2 years), the tremendous boredom of sitting through a long tiresome 8 - 10 course dinner with people I may not know or do not now know, the insides-wrenching experience of seeing female friends with fake faces (take it whichever way you want - the make-up or the cover-up), the thumb-twiddling time-ticking minutes and hours spent hearing colleagues (mostly former now) talk about cash, car, career and child.

Maybe I'm just a grumpy 32-year-old who happens to have just woken up from the wrong side of bed after a much needed afternoon nap.

Now where's that grey Thomas Smith shirt I wore in 2004 ?

Comfortable Mediocrity Vs. Mediocre Comfort

2006-01-06T16:55:00.000+08:00

What happens when we are comfortable with our spiritual mediocrity ? I guess it won't bother us anymore.

What happens when we are satisfied with mediocre comfort ? I guess it won't bother us anymore either.

What happens when we become dissatisfied with mediocre comfort ? I guess we start striving for more material wants.

What happens when we become dissatisfied with comfortable mediocrity ? Spiritual mediocrity ?

Ah ... breakthrough comes.

Ikan Bilis among Big Fish

2005-12-20T09:24:00.000+08:00

Never felt more inadequate in a mission trip. After all, this trip consisted of bible college students, some of whom have been in the ministry for years, and of course, everyone else has had more salt than I had rice ...

What has a first year bible student like me got to offer to final year Masters students, Bachelor of Theology graduates etc ? Indeed one lady commented that I looked like her nephew ... Usually I would take that as a compliment, but in this case, I wished I had a beard and moustache to boot.

Anyway, I went ahead, feeling like a tour guide, since I was the only one in the group who had been to Bataan.

There are lessons to be learnt at every mission trip. "I wonder what I can possibly learn in this trip." I thought.

A basketful of surprises awaited me...

Prologue Two - More than butterflies in the stomach

2005-12-19T13:16:00.000+08:00

Right after I decided to take on the speaking engagement in Nov, I came down with terrible food poisoning.

I was puking and purging the whole night and the following day. I lost my appetite and strength. And faith ...

I remember coming to the church office on Wednesday (2 days before we were to leave for Philippines), looking pale and feeling terrible. I had to go to Jurong with Bro. Chua to pick up some medical donations. The 45 min ride to and fro were rather traumatic as visions of me puking into the van and road and Bro. Chua, purging by the "long kang" passed incessantly through my mind.

The thought of foregoing the Philippines trip with AGBC students became very real and inviting. What's more I would have more time to prepare for Pastor Mary's youth camp ! What a great excuse !

I came back to the church office for the final training session and meeting with the AGBC group. They prayed for a supernatural healing for me. In my mind, I was thinking, how was I to get fully well by Friday ? How was I going to adjust to the food there after a bout of severe food poisoning ?

"They shall walk, and not faint ..." I had forgotten fast.

That night was terrible. I spiked a temperature and developed chills and rigours. I could hardly hold my spoon to drink soup, as I was shivering so hard the spoon kept spilling... "Bacteremia" I thought. (translated as "bacteria in the blood") My kind brother suggested a visit to the friendly GP to get antibiotics. My increasingly worried aunt suggested hospital ...

My tired body cried "panadol..." So I took 2 panadol and tried to sleep. And I finally did.

The following morning was a miracle.

The shivering had disappeared. The diarrhoea and nausea miraculously disappeared. And my appetite miraculously appeared ! So much so I could even meet my cell group that night for dinner !

"Lord, there must be a purpose for me to go on this trip."

I sought forgiveness, gave thanks, and gingerly took the next step into the following few days in the mission field.

Pre-Whirlwind Storm - Prologue One

2005-12-18T20:24:00.000+08:00

It will take me some time to write about all the lessons that the Lord taught me in the last 4 weeks.

As with all good plays, there should be a prologue. But in my long-winded case, I have 2 prologues. I shall start on the first.

I was getting ready to go on the AGBC mission trip when Pastor Mary from WRPF called me on 13 Nov to ask me if I could be the speaker for her youth camp from 26-28 Nov. (The topics were Recharged through the Word, and Staying Recharged.)
Well to be honest, I both freaked out and was excited. Freaked out because I would have minimal time to prepare (I would only be back on 24 Nov !) and I still had our own ZGM Youth Camp from 2-5 Dec to prepare for. Excited because I saw this as another open door for ministry.

I asked for time to pray about it - well ... it seemed the most spiritual thing to do then... hehe

I also seeked advice from some people who cautioned me about burn-out. It will be an almost continuous 4 weeks...

The next day, I skipped lunch during work and went to the hospital park to pray. I had one hour. I wanted to know what God felt and needed to know if He wanted me to take this up.

I remember as I sat on the park bench and prayed, the ideas just came to my mind on what I should share and somehow my spirit was stirred and excited. Still I prayed that the Lord would show me if this was what I should do.

I ended my time with the Lord at 1.15 pm - still not knowing, and went back to work.

I had switched off my handphone earlier and did not read my messages until 2 plus in the afternoon. When I finally did, I saw this sms from a friend with whom I hadn't shared about what I had been praying for.

It said,
"But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles.
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

It was sent at 1.13 pm.

My hair stood on end as I realised what the Lord was telling me.
Wait on Him. He will renew my strength.
This was His promise and answer to me. And it had come right on time.

I wrote back to Pastor Mary immediately, telling her I was free for any sessions she felt led to put me in ...

This marked the start of a series of lessons about trusting in the Lord ...

A whirlwind month !

2005-12-17T19:44:00.000+08:00

The last 4 weeks must have been the most hectic but most spiritually fulfilling episode of my life thus far ... In 28 days, I went for 2 mission trips and 2 youth camps, plus prepared 5 sermons ... in between frantic attempts to finish my bible school assignments.

Just so that I would remember this episode :

18-24 Nov Mission Trip to Philippines with AGBC students
26, 28 Nov Speaker for WRPF Youth Camp
2-5 Dec Speaker/BBQ-er/Odd-Jobber/Sabo-ee for ZGM Youth Camp
8-17 Dec Mission Trip to Philippines with ZGM

One verse that saw me through these 4 weeks :

"But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles.
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint."

Isaiah 40:31

All Glory to the Lord !

In Him, Through Him, For Him.

Muddy Muddy

2005-11-25T13:09:00.000+08:00

You Are Mud Pie

You're the perfect combo of flavor and depth
Those who like you give into their impulses

What Kind of Pie Are You?

Red and yellow, black and white ...

2005-11-13T19:28:00.000+08:00

Your Blog Should Be Green

Your blog is smart and thoughtful - not a lot of fluff.
You enjoy a good discussion, especially if it involves picking apart ideas.
However, you tend to get easily annoyed by any thoughtless comments in your blog.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

Busier than ever !

2005-10-23T21:55:00.000+08:00

So it turned out it wasn't dengue after all ... probably just some viral flu ...

Well .. i still missed my driving. In fact I've missed the last 3 sessions ! had late night discussion meetings with pastor the preceding nights concussed me beyond belief - so i decided not to endanger myself or my driving instructor on the roads.

I thought I would have more time on my hands after I quit my job. As it turns out, I am busier than ever...

My schedule for the next 2 months is filled - 2 1/2 days of work ... classes ... training sessions for the first mission trip in November ... youth camp ... training sessions for the second mission trip in December ...

But I must say I am thoroughly enjoying myself ! Although I must keep reminding myself to stay focussed. "Headless chicken" comes to mind. No point flapping, flapping, flapping ... for no other reason than to drop dead thereafter.

His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

Dengue or viral fever ?

2005-10-13T00:23:00.000+08:00

Been feeling under the weather the last 2-3 days... Mild headache for 2 days (which almost never happens to me), mild body aches, lethargy ...
Just took my temperature : 37.5 C ... No rashes ... just mild facial flushing ...

Dengue or viral fever ?

I guess time will tell ... just wait for the fever to peak .. the rashes to happen ... in the meantime i shall consider doing dengue serology and platelets within 2 days if things dont get better ...

i think i should rest tomorrow and not go for my driving lessons ...

My first church sermon ...

2005-10-11T13:56:00.000+08:00

"My grace is sufficient for you, my strength is made perfect in weakness."
This verse certainly saw me through the 2 services last Sunday. It is always easy to sit in the pews and evaluate the preacher and the preaching ... but when you are in "hot seat" yourself, things take on a whole new meaning.

"Living with purpose" was the title given to me. Wrestling with the title itself was tiring enough. What does it mean to live with purpose ? How does one live with purpose ? What does the bible have to say about it ?

How do I communicate the Word of God to a mixed congregation - some of whom have gone through life's experiences many times over, and others who are just starting out in life ? I felt so inadequate. And yet the verse kept coming - my grace is sufficient for you.

I learnt much more than the congregation last Sunday. Preparing the sermon forced me to wrestle with His Word and to give it place in my life. How else could I preach His Word, except I assimilate it first ? How else would I expect my listeners to heed His Word, except I bow my will before it first ?

"My strength is made perfect in weakness."

The first 100 days ...

2005-09-29T06:03:00.000+08:00

I remember doing this about the same time last year in Sweden - sitting down in front of the computer and writing down my musings.

Now I'm doing it in my hotel room in Vancouver, Canada. Yes, yes ... the same conference again. Just that this time, many things have changed.

Change. Something most people are scared stiff of. And yet, change is often needful and refreshing.

It's been 3 months since I quit my job. Since all important people (think prime minsters and presidents) get an interview to muse about their first 100 days in office, I thought I would also give an unsolicited public musing of my first 100 days ...

Starting bible school
There really is nothing too glamourous about biblical studies. Nothing much to boast about. Doesn't make one more or less spiritual.
It's just hard work.
And harder work to come to terms with what I am doing all this for.
It really is not about enriching oneself per se. The accumulation of skills and biblical knowledge should be chanelled to blessing those around. Otherwise, it all goes to waste.

Going part-time
It is quite amazing how the Lord led me to my current job. It not only allows me to go flexi-hours, it also allows me to do what interests me at the moment - research. And I get to go on sponsored trips !
Sure the pay is drastically reduced. But the peace is dramatically enhanced.

New ministry
The Lord reveals one step at a time. As we take each step in obedience, He reveals the next.
I had felt in my spirit at the end of 2004 and beginning 2005 that I was to move on to another area of ministry. And these words kept coming in my heart :
"Open doors"
"New season"
Amazingly these were confirmed by various people of God along the way.
I pray I will be obedient and faithful to the call.
Lord, prepare me.

****************

How have I done in these 100 days ?
Well ... I've had my ups and downs, moments of wavering and doubting as well as moments of great expectation. There have been times when The Boss would have been ashamed to have recruited me into His service, and times when I am sure I made Him smile.

One thing I must surely ask myself. How have I allowed the Sculpter to shape me these 100 days ? How have I followed the Shepherd these 100 days ?

I want to last the whole term.

Reflections

2005-06-20T08:31:00.000+08:00

Just realised I've been on this blog for nearly one year, come July.

Reading my past blogs made me realise how much God has brought me through over the last 12 months. He had led me step by step, laid precept upon precept, in a gentle and yet persistent manner, to lead me in this direction.

These have been months of struggle within myself, with family and friends, and with God - reasoning with everyone (myself, family, God) why I should not be quitting my post-graduate studies and pursuits for full-time biblical studies and ministry. But slowly and surely, God's words and works worked upon and within me to draw me to a place of submission and abandon.

It is interesting to look back and see how patient God was. He asked me gently back in August 2004 if He was worth more than what I was pursuing. That gentle question rocked my entire world and put me, not on a downward spiral, but on an upward spiral towards His purpose in my life. The world had their 911, I had my 804 (read Aug 2004). :)

Of course, in my doubts and bargaining with him, I laid my "famous four" before the Lord - seeing if He could answer them all ...
1. A digital camera (actually more like a flippant challenge on 29 Dec 2004)
2. A bookshelf
3. A laptop
4. A part-time job

To my "horror" and amazement, the God who owns the cattle on a thousand hills answered them all, without me telling anyone. Actually by the time I got the answer for (1) and (2), I was trembling inside, and decided not to press God for the rest. Yet deep down, I somehow had the feeling that He wasn't going to let me off so easily ...

As I receive these answers, I leave His presence not in a triumphant attitude, but in humility, knowing that He can do whatever He wills. He had shown me that He is more than able to provide. It is as if this was a foretaste of His providence and grace. It is as if He is preparing me for the future when I might doubt Him again, "Look back and remember how I provided. Am I not God who is more than able ?"

He had to change my attitudes. The feeling of immense sacrifice on my part melted into an awareness of immense priviledge. Lord, forgive my self-righteousness - to think I was giving up so much for You ! "Give up your small ambitions !" "Exchange them for ME."

Suddenly my ambitions paled before the presence of the Almighty. How willing was I to say "Lord, send me" ? Not only that, but to say "Wherever, Whenever, Whatever".
Not on my terms, but on His.

******

I look at my calender and count the remaining days before my resignation ... less than 2 weeks. Had my 3 years of post-graduate training come to nothing ? I don't
think so. I may not see it now, but God had a purpose for everything.

Will I miss my job ? Perhaps.

But I am sure the road ahead with Him will be so full of exciting bumps and encounters that I will probably not have the time to look back with regret. I will be busy looking ahead.

Sure I may occasionally stop by the road and be tempted to look back. But I pray I will look back, not with a heavy heart of regret; but with relief, breathing a prayer of thanksgiving to Him for putting me on a better journey, towards a better destination.

******

An uneven plot - an uneven harvest.

2005-05-11T22:16:00.000+08:00

Here's another lesson from the field that I learnt from Tita on our journey to the airport - while the guys and gals were enjoying and sleeping behind in the van, I was keeping her awake...

we had a look at the rice field as we left IFL. "Oh no" she exclaimed. I asked why. She told me that the padi plants were uneven - meaning some were sprouting before the others. This meant an uneven harvest - which meant a lesser yield for the season.

"Why? how did this happen" I asked.

She sighed and told me it was because the farmers did not plough the land thoroughly. There were areas of uneven ground where water could accumulate and other areas where water did not. this results in an uneven harvest and lower yield.

So what did I learn ?

1) The preparation for a great fruitful harvest takes a great deal of ploughing and work. It takes diligence to ensure the entire plot of land is done up properly before the seed is sown. Preparation of a woman and man of God takes time. No shortcuts. It takes time.

2) The harvest reveals the soil.

I remember the last lesson I learnt in December 2004 from IFL - and that was to protect the rice field.
This time, the lesson is - a good harvest requires diligent ploughing.

I wonder what other padi lessons I will learn next.

Call me WashingTan

2005-04-21T13:48:00.000+08:00

You are... The Kentucky State Quarter!!!

Your hip style is all the rage at parties among the glitterati!
As the Kentucky State emissary to the League of State Quarters,
you represent the hearts and souls of the fine folks of the Bluegrass State.
Although a bit, uh, rough around the edges, you nonetheless regally display
the profile of our great nations first President. And, like Washington,
you are truly a revolutionary. Your best quality is, of course, your great horse-and-stable design.
But what people really appreciate in you is that you do not feel the need to
roll around bragging about how special and shiny you are. Your quiet confidence is contagious.
PS - Legend has it that at one time, you would sell yourself for one game of Galaga. That is sick, bro.

Take the Personality Quiz, brought to you by Mr. Poon.

Greek Pope Casino

2005-04-20T10:35:00.000+08:00

Into my first month of Greek and almost halfway through the first module. My initial gungho-ness is now tempered with realism as I struggle with masculine, feminine and neuter forms of words. Things I should have known from primary school like pronouns, prepositions, nouns, adjectives had to fished out of a remote memory. Others had to be freshly born. I have no inkling what are indicatives, subjunctives, predicate ... (faint)

Just last week, I started dreaming in Greek for 2 nights consecutively. Of course, the dreams were simple, since my Greek vocabulary is rather limited at the moment. Suffice to say, I decided to take a break from Greek vocab for a while.
It's almost like the other time when I dreamt I was pregnant. (occupational hazard) ... I actually was more upset that I was an unwed "father" rather than with the fact that I was actually pregnant ... anyway ...

***************

So the Pope passed away. Thoughts ran through my mind as I wondered if such a great saintly man had gone to heaven. Such pomp and ceremony at his funeral...
I came to the following conclusions -
1) Great works do not guarantee entry into the Lord's bosom, regardless of how high a pedestal one is placed in.
2) A real relationship with the Lord is the key

So is the pope in heaven ? I hope so. I hope he had a real living relationship with the God that he represented to the world.

****************

So the casinos are here to stay, after they are built, that is.

So much huffing and puffing by everyone.

It's kind of funny that people are grappling with the issue of gambling with the casinos when everyone is already burning their pockets with 4D, Toto, Turfing etc.
Nobody seemed to mind these.

So what's the issue ? Gambling or casino ?

I wonder if anyone has considered setting up a church within the integrated resorts ? Or would that be too taboo ? Or would that be being "salt and light" ?

********************

It's all Greek to me !

2005-03-25T07:48:00.000+08:00

Literally ... signed up for Greek 1 at BGST this week. Trying to finish up 6 months' worth in 3 months by private study.

Just finished the first lesson last night while on call. Okay ... memorised the alphabet and a couple of greeting words. A little apprehensive about the actual grammar though - hope it will not be as difficult as Hebrew...

Also realised my Greek tutor is also Pastor Tim's relative ! Small world !

I think I will settle for one module this time round instead of 2 ... It was a whirlwind previous 3 months trying to juggle work, church and 2 full modules. Thank God for His strength!

Alpha ... beta ... gamma ... delta ...

A New Old Classmate !

2005-03-08T14:32:00.000+08:00

Guess what ? !

Was waiting at Novena last night for the rest for dinner before class when I bumped into an old classmate of mine who is currently studying at BGST ! Guess it won't be a lonely time after July, now that I've got company !

And yet another reminder last Sunday ... Some of us had lunch with our special speakers at Country Manna at Serangoon Gardens. One of them made 8 requests before God before she was convinced God had called her ... Aiyo ... Now I don't feel so bad I'm asking for (1) (2) (3) and (4) ... He he he

The body ain't as young

2005-03-02T12:28:00.000+08:00

Sigh ... so what if I'm "young" at heart at 24 ?

Age and gravity does take a toll on the body. Working and taking up 2 modules is certainly taxing on both brain and brawn ...

Monday - Work. Class at 7 pm.
Tuesday - Work. Readings and homework for Thursday class.
Wednesday - Work. On call.
Thursday - Post call at 1. Class from 2-4. Cell group at 7.
Friday - Work. Readings and homework for Monday.
Sat/Sun - On call one of the days. The other day for rest.

I'm actually quite glad it's coming to an end by mid March.

But then, there's the 2 big papers to do by next week and the exam next Thursday ...

Can't wait.

Maybe I should go learn driving next month ...

Young at heart . . .

2005-02-04T23:48:00.000+08:00

You Are 24 Years Old

24

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

The number 4

2005-02-02T23:43:00.000+08:00

It's quite amazing ... Just so I would not forget, God had to remind me again... this time, all the way from US ... (drum roll)

It was during the apologetics class on Monday night. Just seated behind me was this ABK (american born korean) pastor from US - never seen him before - apparently he was visiting. We started chatting during the break and guess what ? He had also asked for 4 (FOUR, APAT, SI) signs from God ...

Oh man ... What is this thing about the number 4 for me ? anyway, he jokingly mentioned that EAST was under Campus Crusade for Christ which was famous for its 4 spiritual laws ...

FAINT.

An operative experience

2005-01-29T11:18:00.000+08:00

I went for my operation on Wednesday and survived to tell it.

Was told by more than one person that I would be feeling nervous and scared one night before and on the day of the operation. So I decided to tire myself out the night before as well as stuff my face silly with food (I had to starve from 12 midnight til the next day). I went to sleep after 12.

Overslept the next morning. My dad called my handphone at 6.05 am. He was already at the carpark waiting for me. Hurriedly I got ready. I had to be admitted by 7 am. The operation was at 8.30 am.

I asked for A1+ ward - why not? since my medical benefits entitled me to A1 class and my insurance and medisave would cover everything... it would also be far away from prying eyes of my colleagues ...

well done ... forgot to bring my wallet. No medical benefits card. No IC. "FAINT"
"we will have to trust you then..." said the nice clerk.

at day surgery, they were nice enough to give me my own room to rest before the op. great... i had to wear the operating gown, with nothing underneath ... so cold ... so naked ...

i had to climb onto the operating table myself - and that was holding on to my gown at the same time, trying to prevent my naked butt from showing... so embarassing. Great ... got medical student there too - FEMALE ... sigh ... I'm sure she will prod me when I am under GA. oh well ... ignorance is bliss ...

I think the anesthestist missed my vein as I was breathing in the nitrous oxide. I could hear her sigh and say "How could I miss a doctor's vein?" I remember saying "It's ok" through the mask as I drifted to sleep ...

The next thing I know - "Dr Tan - wake up !" as the tube was pulled out of my throat ... hey ! wasn't I supposed NOT to feel that ? anyway, before long I was wheeled into my room.

Awww ... such love and concern I felt when my cell group came to visit. In line with our communistic ethos, my bird's nest (donated by my colleague)was kidnapped by pastor irene - to be given away to her friend; the bunch of real flowers was taken by joanna - to make her friend happy; and one stalk of cartoon flowers accompanied tabby home to make her students happy... It felt great to contribute to the general happiness of people I didn't know... :) I went home with 2 stalks of cartoon flowers.

Of course, as usual, the cell started discussing where to eat as I was devouring my tasteless fish and brocolli. Melvin was kind enough to take a picture of the char kway tiao etc to show me later in the evening... Before the gang left, pastor and the cell wsa kind enough to pray for a speedy recovery and to ask our Lord for forgiveness for making me laugh more than once during their visit - yes, it hurt everytime I laughed...

Then the nurse refused to give me ponstan for my pain. (the panadol where got enough ?!?!) Her reason "Oh, but you are allergic to NSAIDS" My reply "But I have taken ponstan before" My mind "You silly nurse - I AM A DOCTOR !"
Ok. I finally got my ponstan. Managed to sleep through the night.

Ok ... so I have been home the last two days. Never slept so much in my life. Must be the temgesic (read painkiller - morphine derivative which made me drowsy and nauseous).

On MC the next 2 weeks. So many things to do on my list...

Meow ...

2005-01-22T15:44:00.000+08:00

You are a Siamese! You are fun-loving, playful,
energetic, talkative, and exotic. You are the
center of attention and you love every minute
of it.

What breed of cat are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Getting more frivolous ...

2005-01-22T15:39:00.000+08:00

Cocktail

?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Something less serious ...

2005-01-22T15:35:00.000+08:00

You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Give up your small ambitions

2005-01-22T13:45:00.000+08:00

The temptations and questions came like a flood this week. Suddenly I found myself asking if I really wanted to give up being a specialist, give up having my own patients, give up the chance of operating ...

Perhaps I should just take the exams ... postpone the studies a little bit.

Then I went for my "History of Missions" class. In my post-call stupor, with mints in my mouth to keep awake through the "droning" of the lecturer, I was suddenly prodded awake by a statement that he made out of the blue (out of the blue cos I wasn't paying attention to his preceding statements).

"Give up your small ambitions"

This statement was spoken by St. Francis Xavier (a Jesuit missionary) in the 17th century - sent to the university students back home in Europe. "Tell them to give up their small ambitions, and come East to preach the gospel."

Give up my small ambitions ... Lord, help me to see the big picture.

God and Caesar

2005-01-18T11:44:00.000+08:00

Render to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's.

So what does this mean ? Pay your taxes ? And give your tithes ?
That's all ?

Until I realised what "belongs" to Caesar also belongs to God. HE owns everything, does He not ?

So when I honour my duty to "Caesar", do I not also honour God ?

I guess this spills into every area of my life. There is no distinction between "secular" and "spiritual" work. In everything that you do, do it all for His glory. I honour God by honouring my boss, exept when the line is crossed.

Who convinced who ?

2005-01-13T23:23:00.000+08:00

Was treated to a nice dinner at Mezza9 (Hyatt Hotel) on Tuesday by one of the hospital administrators. Her aim - to dissuade me from quitting. My aim - to convince her.

Ended up telling her my life story from tender age 16 when I first got my call, and how it became more sure, and of course how could I let up the chance of telling her the story of the 2 fleece. After all, she was the one who bought the digital cameras as prizes. Her eyes nearly popped.

Anyway, at the end of the dinner, she said she was convinced. Convinced that I would leave, and convinced there was a God. I had to tell her that she needed to know which God ... But that, I'm sure, will be the subject of another meal. (not bad to have evangelistic dinners !)

Like what we learnt at the apologetics class, evangelism is a process. Sometimes the process is short, other times it may be long drawn. Are we willing to be part of that process ?

I hope I can bring her through the process before I leave.

Paradigm Shift Two

2005-01-10T11:36:00.000+08:00

How many fleece do I need to confirm that He wants all of me ? Is not the desire growing stronger each day ? Is He not bringing people along the way to confirm, admonish and encourage - just as He promised ?

True to the Singapore spirit, two is enough Lord.

Forgive my lack of faith.

"I will never be the same again
I will never return
I've closed the door
I will walk the path
I'll run the race
And I will never be the same again."

Paradigm Shift One

2005-01-10T11:24:00.000+08:00

I had always looked at full-time ministry as a sacrifice. A sudden loss of regular income, a future of uncertainty, a turning away from the good life to one of austerity/poverty.

I cannot be more wrong.

Is it not a priviledge to be called ? Is it not an awesome thing to be in the payroll of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords ?

Sacrifice ? What am I sacrificing ? What am I giving up for ? What do I gain ? Ah... paradigm shift number one.

Read somewhere : The problem with the desire of man's heart is not that it is too strong. Rather it is too weak. We are too easily satisfied. We settle for material comforts and say we are happy. We settle for Christian mediocrity and say we have arrived.

Strengthen my desire for You, Abba. After Your own heart.

It is no sacrifice to plunge into something greater.

He's serious. How serious am I ?

2005-01-09T22:14:00.000+08:00

If I was to go for full-time studies, I would really need to start packing my stuff. The other room would have to turn into a study of sorts. This would mean I would need shelves, a proper study table etc.

So my silent prayer to Father again - another fleece laid before Him.

A few days ago, I was at the bookstore with Mel. Suddenly he turned to me and said, "I think I'll get you a bookshelf."

I looked at him, "You just answered my second prayer."

His jaw dropped to basement two. My hair stood on end.

Two down.

Father's really serious about this.

God heard my silent whisper

2004-12-30T13:46:00.000+08:00

Had dinner with a 50 year old lady who went to study at Regent College for 2 years. She was sharing how she laid 4 "fleeces" before the Lord, and how He answered everyone of them. I joked that I should do the same. "Try Him" was her reply.

Last night we had an end-of-year party. The highlight of the night was the lucky draw. Top 3 prizes were digital cameras. Since the last time I won anything at a lucky draw was 20 years ago - a T-shirt, I didn't think very much of this draw. Still I silently uttered a prayer in my heart to Father. "If you really want me to ----, then let me win the digital camera."

I got the second prize - an exilim 4.0 megapixel digital camera. You can imagine my lack of faith cos they had to call my name a few times before I realised I won.

One fleece down. 3 more to go.

Lessons from a Pastor - Principles of church growth

2004-12-29T14:23:00.000+08:00

Had dinner with Pastor Margaret from Sarawak last night. In her distinctively quiet and unassuming manner she recounted how they built their church from scratch.

Every family was involved. Two or three families would buy a pole, and every family would bring 2 bags of cement each. Bit by bit, as the materials came in, the church was built.

Someone asked her why there was no money in the church bank account. Her reply was "What for ? As the Lord provides, so we give out."

I learnt 2 lessons last night.

There was ownership by the church members. Everyone chipped in and contributed to the building of the church. The members were poor, and yet there was a sacrificial spirit among them to see God's work established. They were prepared to go the extra mile, to make the extra sacrifice.

A giving attitude despite having little. Having the faith to believe in Him to provide, and being obedient to continue giving. No point storing for ourselves treasures on earth, when we are missing out on eternal promises.

I was blown away when she said,"I may be poor, but my Father is rich, and He has many children."
Underlying that statement belies her trust in the Lord who owns everything, and her understanding that her Father will move the hearts of His children to give towards His work.

Reliance and partnership.

Where does this leave us ?

We are rich. And yet we often cannot even bring a small plank to contribute to the Lord's building.
We have treasures in the bank account. And yet we cut back on our giving.

What will our Father think of us ?

Lessons from the field - The birds and the rice

2004-12-28T13:26:00.000+08:00

Was in the van with Tita on the way to the mall on our second last day, when she suddenly stopped on the way out of IFL. She stared at the ricefields and then got out of the van. She looked pretty upset.

There were birds in the ricefields. Hungry birds.

If nothing was done soon, there would be no more rice for harvest.

Such a fitting end to the mission trip, I thought. A reminder.

In a few hours' time, we would return to Singapore. Back to the busy-ness and frantic pace of city living. There will be "birds" all around. "Hungry birds" that will require our time, our efforts, our energy. If we are not careful, there will be no rice left. If we are not careful to guard what lessons we have learnt from the field, if we do not ponder them over in our hearts, we will lose the fruit in no time. Nothing left to harvest.

So what do I do with the lessons from the field ?

Lessons from the field - Are you prepared ?

2004-12-26T01:04:00.000+08:00

Deo received an sms from Tita requesting for medical help for typhoon flood relief work. One of the 2 doctors of our team was requested to go - it meant going back to IFL and flying via helicopter to the flood areas.

I jumped at the idea. Wah .. fly by helicopter sia ! Shiok !

Someone from Singapore smsed "Do you really have to go ? It's dangerous."

My reply "That's why I'm here for. To be available whenever, wherever, however."

Brave words. Almost bordering on proud.

Soon after, the reality hit me. We would be flying over NPA (read rebels) area. They wouldn't be very sympathetic towards military helicopters flying overhead.

Was I willing to risk a real danger to my life ? The climb up Dueg mountain suddenly paled in comparison.

Did I really mean what I said ? To be available regardless ?

The next 48 hours proved to be trying. I was sick with a low grade fever, sore throat, running nose and cough. We were stranded in different places, not knowing what the plans were, where we were headed.

As I surrendered myself to Him, there was peace. Peace amidst the uncertainty. Joy amidst the confusion. An assurance from Him who watches over my coming in and my going out.

The helicopter flight turned out greater than expected. We had free lodging at a "hotel", free dinner and breakfast. I had much needed sleep on a proper bed. Recovered sufficiently from my flu. Managed to attend to 100 + patients.

His grace is sufficient for me.

I would never have experienced all of that if I hadn't taken the first step of faith to go.

Am I prepared for more ?

Lessons from the field - The morning after

2004-12-24T10:06:00.000+08:00

On our way back from Dueg, we travelled the same mountain road we came from earlier.

In the daytime, everything looked different. The path seemed less treacherous. The trek seemed less ardous.

It was the same mountain road.

The mist and darkness changed my perspective of it. The light showed me what it was really like.

He will not bring us through trials we cannot bear.

Lessons from the field - One step at a time

2004-12-24T02:40:00.000+08:00

The mist and darkness descended so quickly we were taken by surprise.

It was a 1 1/2 hour trek up to Dueg after the truck got stuck in the mud.

Within 1/2 hour we were reduced to tiny steps as the mist and darkness combined ensured we could only see a few steps ahead at one time.

I had come on this trip with questions. And I wanted answers ...

Well ... I got my reply ... "One step at a time"

This is Christian spirituality. Many times we can only see one step ahead. But we will never know what lies ahead of that step if we do not take the one in front. And we can be sure the next step will come into view after this one.
The other re-assuring thing was : just as there were people in front of me whose steps I could follow so that I did not fall into the mud, I could also follow the foot steps of saints that have travelled ahead of me.
At the same time, there were also those who were trailing behind me, depending on my foot-steps to lead the way.

One step at a time. Will I trust enough to take it as it comes ? Will I be an example for those who come behind me ?

Lessons from the field - His ways are higher

2004-12-24T02:24:00.000+08:00

As usual, our luggage aka medicines got stuck at customs.

As usual, I was stopped.

This time, they refused to let 2 boxes through.

Strangely enough, this time round, I had peace in my heart during the "interrogation" and "checking". No fear. Maybe it was resignation that it had happened again. I remember sms-ing some of the first team to start praising God when their 16 boxes got stuck. All had gone through and the theme of our team became "prayer and praise". I told our team outside who had gotten through customs
to also praise God.

Praise us through I thought.

God had other plans.

I was brought into the "inner room" - to unpack all the medicines and to account for every sample I brought. Told the officers why I was there, that I was a doctor, it was a medical missions, the Aeta at Dueg and Bataan will benefit from the medicines, so "sayang" that they are holding the 2 boxes from me ...
They seemed rather fierce at first, but slowly warmed up to me after a while. They became more sympathetic and even smiled and started chatting with me.

The atmosphere definitely got even warmer with the entrance of Diana. They thought at first we were "high school sweethearts" or "married" (groan. Diana was thrilled. I wasn't really.) Diana was all giggly when they thought we were college students... She certainly started chatting them up after that.

It was amazing how events turned around. They started opening up. One of them was a Christian who attended a church in Manila. He had been corresponding with a Singaporean lady and been trying to bring her to Christ. We exchanged email addresses. My mission from him was to try to meet this lady and bring her to church. Another guy had been to Singapore once. We invited him back to Singapore again.

By the time we left the office, one hour had passed. We had become friends of sorts. Can you imagine - we shook hands and blessed each other in the Lord.

The 2 boxes are probably still at the customs office now. But I left with something more valuable - an email address (He wrote to me a few days later) and a Singaporean name to pray for, and hopefully to write to and evangelise to.

Praise Him. He knows what's best. His ways are higher.

Lessons from the field - God of all creation

2004-12-24T02:15:00.000+08:00

He's the God of all creation. From Ministorm Winnie and Typhoon Nanmadol (yes, I now know the name)the week before to sunny bright skies the day we landed at Ninoy Aquino Airport, I was amazed at how He changed the weather and how the typhoon missed IFL.

Just the night before, the first team were huddled together in "fear" of the impending typhoon, braving strong and howling winds. The very next morning, the second team landed safely on Filipino soil, almost sweating under the bright sun.

That was the first of many lessons about Himself that He revealed this trip. He's the God of all creation. Trust Him.

I will hide in the shadow of the Almighty.

Breaking the silence

2004-12-24T02:11:00.000+08:00

Back from the mission trip more than 2 weeks ago. Been wanting to write for some time but either never found the time or the energy.

Thought I would start now. Stuck at work. Got woken to see 3 patients in labour.
Funny how it was quiet before 12 midnight. Suddenly after the clock struck 12, they started streaming in. Everybody wants a Christmas eve or Christmas baby I suppose...

Ok, since I'm waiting for one more patient that just strolled in ... Here goes ... Learnt a couple of lessons during the trip and decided to name the series "Lessons from the field"...

Re-alignment

2004-12-02T22:06:00.001+08:00

How self-centred we can all be ! While we are here safe and sound in our concrete houses, our brothers and sisters are braving the storm in IFL and Bataan, and other parts of Luzon. Instead of worrying about OUR trip and flight, we should be praying for THEIR safety and health.

2 am. That's when they think the typhoon will hit IFL.

Someone said to pray the typhoon will pass over them.

Re-alignment of attitude and posture. A posture of prayer and submission. An attitude of awe of God.

"When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with You above the storm.
Father, you are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God."

Abba, protect Your children.

Let our hearts be still amidst the storm.

God of all creation

2004-12-02T19:39:00.000+08:00

The tropical storm Winnie and then the upcoming typhoon (a more complicated Filipino name which I have not memorised) have made quite a few people worried. Got a couple of sms-es already. "Is the trip still on ? Is it safe?"

Frankly I don't know. It really depends on whether the plane flies to Manila tomorrow morning. Will flights to and from Manila get cancelled due to 200km/hr winds ? Will the roads to and from IFL be flooded ? Will the first team come back in time ? Will we even leave Changi ? Will we be stranded at Ninoy Aquino Airport ?

Really, it all depends. Depends on the good pleasure of the Lord.

So Lord, what do You have in store for us this trip ?

Been hearing this song the whole day. Literally. Putting together another video clip that cannot be played on other computers ...

"Into your hand, I commit again.
All I am, for You, Lord.
You hold my world, in the palm of Your hand
And I am Yours, forever.

Jesus I believe in You
Jesus I belong to You
You're the reason that I live
The reason that I sing
With all I am.

I'll walk with You, wherever You go
Through tears and joy
I'll trust in You
And I will live, in all of Your ways
And Your promises, forever."

Your ways are higher, Lord.

We submit.

Musings ...

2004-12-01T13:45:00.000+08:00

Just volunteered to run clinic for a colleague who went post-call (otherwise known as - go home for much needed sleep / recreation after an overnight call). Thought it might be a nice change from the mundane ... was told I was crazy since the clinics are very busy ... oh well ... we'll see.

Typhoon sweeping across north of manila. Hmm.. that's where we'll be going next week. Thank God the first team is safely in Manila already. Was worried they might get stuck coming down from Olangapo.
Come to think of it, there are always rumblings of trouble before every trip ... communist rebels one year, terrorists the next. now typhoon.
In the end, it all seems to work out anyway.
God is in control. Amen !

Ok the clinic assistant is here. We can start clinic now.

Let me get my coke first ...

Wishy washy

2004-11-27T02:34:00.000+08:00

It's 230 am in the morning. I've been up since 6 am the previous morning.
Working. On call ...

Trying to admit this patient with multiple risk factors. She was agreeable for admission just now.
Now she's changing her mind.
Then the husband cannot decide.
Now the mother-in-law is also giving her five cents worth (actually quite worthless advice, if you ask me)

Oscillating. oscillating.

So here I am typing furiously away. Hyperventilating. Who wouldn't ? I don't mind if it's a real emergency. But this ?

Ok. The nurse just told me she wants admission now.

Groan.

What's so bad about staying in hospital ? No pontianaks right ?

Sigh.

Love ... patience ... Can be rather lacking at this unearthly time.

Somewhere over the rainbow ...

2004-11-20T20:06:00.000+08:00

YOU ARE A RAINBOW!

You are an incredibly beautiful, almost
otherworldly soul who inspires others
everywhere you go. You are creative and
artistic and love beauty in all its forms. You
pride youself on your own beauty, both inner
and outer. However, you can be very distant and
aloof, not allowing anyone to get close to you.

What Symbol of GOODNESS are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Astro - An Update

2004-11-20T08:16:00.000+08:00

Lest anyone should think that the cat (his name is Astro, by that way) has met with any mishap after his harrowing experience at the vet, I am pleased to report that he is well and hopping around - on all fours of course.

No, he doesn't seem to have become more effeminate. The scars have healed well.

He has been re-instated as the resident cat in my room and has recaptured my bed as his nightly resting place. However, his continued existence will depend on his strict adherence to toileting rules - no pee-ing on me or my bed.

So we're both happy for now.

It was worth it !

2004-11-16T22:27:00.000+08:00

Today was my last lesson for my "Life of Christ" module ! Kinda sad to have parted with the students tonight. They were a fun bunch to be with, especially tonight when we had the bible quiz (Who wants to be a LOF maniac?).

I actually feel energized after each lesson. It's a well-fed feeling ... not a well-gorged post-prandial sleepy feeling.

Got my assignments back too ! Thank God I did pretty well. Of course there were red marks all over the place with lecturer's comments and all ... and the grammatical corrections ... and the bibliography corrections ... Also had dinner with her this evening. Met her at the hospital canteen !

Now more choices to make for next year ... how many modules to take ?

On call and bored ...

2004-11-14T08:14:00.000+08:00

YOU ARE FIRE!

Your inner element is one of great passion and
intensity. You are a dramatic person who loves
attention and knows how to get it. You tend to
have many
friends and admirers around you wherever you go.
You have a strong intellect, tend to have
strong opinions on issues close to your heart
and don't know the meaning of tact. You are
generally an active person who loves sports and
all things competitive... and you like to win!
Any career that will bring you the attention
you crave and uses your talents of persuasion
is ideal for you. Love tends to elude you
frequently - you can more easily find passion
or good friendship than true love. When you do
finally fall in love... you fall with all your
heart. However, when it comes to the passion
end of things, you are second to none.

Your greatest strengths are your courage to express
yourself no matter what and your incredible
charisma. You weaknesses are a tendency to
narcissism and the possibility of alienating
others with your forwardness. Balancing your
strengths and weaknesses is crucial for you to
achieve balance in your life.

Which of the 5 Prime Elements are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

A Background Study into the Jewish Attitude towards the Sabbath

2004-11-13T11:07:00.000+08:00

INTRODUCTION

The Jewish Sabbath (שַׁבָּתּ) is one of the most important tenets of Judaism, the observance and practice of which sets the devout Jew apart from not only the nominal believer, but the non-believer as well. To the Jew, it represents not only a holy day of rest, but also serves as a reminder of God’s creation, the Exodus and His covenantal relationship with His people.
In order to understand and appreciate the importance of this day to the Jew and his resultant attitude towards the Sabbath, it is useful to trace the biblical origin and development of the Jewish concept and practice of the Sabbath throughout the different historical periods of the Jewish people.
This paper seeks to answer and explore the above, culminating in Jesus’ attitude towards and teaching of the true meaning of the Sabbath. Finally it hopes to suggest how this understanding of the Jewish Sabbath affects the Christian believer.

ORIGIN OF THE SABBATH

Although modern research towards the 19th century has tried to trace the Jewish Sabbath to Babylonian, Kenite, Arabic, Ugaritic and other extra-biblical origins, there has, to date, been no consensus and agreement among scholars with regards to the above.
For the purpose of our study, we will focus on the biblical origin of the Sabbath.

The first mention of the concept of the Sabbath is found in Exodus 16:22-30, in which the people of Israel were told to keep the Sabbath (the seventh-day) as a day in which they were free from the normal gathering of manna. The people of Israel had been accustomed to a “ten-day week” from their captivity in Egypt and this was Israel’s first introduction to a seventh-day week and a preparation for the subsequent commandment in the Decalogue.
Three chapters later, the Sabbath was again mentioned, this time in the fourth of the Ten Commandments.

Exodus 20:8-11 reads, “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labor, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day, and hallowed it.” (KJV)

Deuteronomy 5:15 reads, “And remember that thou wast a servant in the land of Egypt, and that the LORD thy God brought thee out thence through a mighty hand and by a stretched out arm: therefore the LORD thy God commanded thee to keep the Sabbath day.” (KJV)

In these two documents, the Israelites were reminded of God’s rest from His six-days of creation and His deliverance of the people of Israel from the land of Egypt. Just as God rested from his creative acts on the seventh day, the Israelites were likewise commanded to rest from their normal daily activities on that day. In contrast to their four hundred years of Egyptian captivity in which they had no rest from their labor, they were now a free people, and the Sabbath was also to be demonstration of their freedom from slavery.
The Sabbath was also a “perpetual covenant” and a “sign” between God and Israel “throughout their generations”, the seriousness of which was demonstrated by a death penalty for transgression of the commandment (Exod 31:16-17). This was evidenced in Num. 15:33-36 which recorded that a man was stoned to death for gathering sticks on the Sabbath day.
Thus we can see from these initial accounts that the Sabbath was taken seriously by both God as well as the Israelites.

DEVELOPMENT, DECLINE AND RE-INSTATEMENT

From the first giving of the Sabbath law on Sinai to Israel’s possession of Canaan, they were commanded not to do any work on the Sabbath. To keep the Sabbath holy and unprofaned, they were not to treat it like any other day. This meant that normal activities that were regarded as work on the other six days were not to be performed from sunset Friday to sunset Sunday. This entailed the gathering of manna, plowing and harvesting (Exod. 34:12) and the kindling of fires in the homes (Exod. 35:3).
As the Israel developed from a nomadic to an agricultural and subsequently into a commercial nation, “work” as an entity became slowly re-defined such that carrying of wares and goods into the community to sell were also prohibited (Jer. 17:21-22).
The Sabbath was celebrated as a day unto the LORD in both Northern and Southern Kingdoms in the 8th century BC, in which offerings were made in the temple during this day (1 Chr. 23:31, 2 Chr. 2:4). It was also to be “a delight”, a day to be honored “by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words” (Isa. 58:13, NIV). Psalm 92 gives an idea of the activities that the Israelite engaged in during the Sabbath – giving thanks, singing praises, playing on musical instruments and singing. There were also other lawful activities during the Sabbath – marriage (Judg. 14:12-18) and dedication (1 Kgs. 8:65) feasts, changing of temple guards (2 Kgs. 11:5-9), duties of the priests and Levites (2 Kgs. 11:5-9).

Although the concept of rest and worship on this day was widely acknowledged, there was also evidence that the Sabbath was beginning to be taken lightly and profaned, as greed and avarice manifested itself.

Amos 8:5 reads, “When will the New Moon be over that we may sell grain, and the Sabbath be ended that we may market wheat? – skimping the measure, boosting the price and cheating with dishonest scales, buying the poor with silver and the needy for a pair of sandals, selling even the sweepings with the wheat.” (NIV)

Isa. 1:13 reads, “Stop bringing meaningless offerings! Your incense is detestable to me. New Moons, Sabbaths and convocations – I cannot bear your evil assemblies.” (NIV)

The Israelites had started to forget the meaning of the Sabbath. The day of rest, worship and honoring God had degenerated to a day of trading and outward ritualism in which the corrupt and unfaithful heart profaned the day by continuing to offer sacrifices. The spirit of the Sabbath had degenerated into an outward superficial performance, in which the attitude of the heart was not commensurate with the outward excesses.
Jeremiah prophesied the kindling of “a fire in the gates thereof, and it shall devour the palaces of Jerusalem, and it shall not be quenched” if the Sabbath continued to be profaned (Jer. 17:27). This culminated in the destruction of Jerusalem and the Babylonian captivity in 586 B.C.

Nehemiah, returning with the third group of exiles to rebuild Jerusalem in 445 B.C., found that Sabbath observance continued to be lax among the people. He noted in

Neh. 13:15, “In those days I saw men in Judah treading winepresses on the Sabbath and bringing in grain and loading it on donkeys, together with wine, grapes, figs and all other kinds of loads. And they were bringing all this into Jerusalem on the Sabbath.” (NIV)

He recognized that the desecration of the Sabbath was one of the reasons for the calamity upon Israel and he, together with Ezra and the scribes, then began to introduce changes, systematize rules and interpretation of the Scriptures to ensure Sabbath observance. (Neh. 10:31-34). This development took place over the next few hundred years.

THE SABBATH IN THE INTER-TESTAMENTAL PERIOD

The Scriptures are relatively silent over the practice and development of the Sabbath in the intertestamental period, and we have to refer to extra-biblical and inter-testamental literature in order to catch a glimpse of the intensification of Sabbath observance during this period. There was a definite shift from the initial lax attitude of the post-exilic Jews to one of increasing adherence to the Sabbath law and its growing regulations.
The apocryphal literature documents for us the uncompromising attitude of the Jews against profaning the Sabbath during the beginning of the Maccabean uprising, where loyal Jews refused to fight even in self-defense on the Sabbath, but rather allowing themselves to be killed. This eventually led to the recognizing of defensive warfare as permissible on the Sabbath. (1st and 2nd book of Maccabees)
Other historical literature documents that Jews were so well known with regard to their refusal to carry arms or to travel on the Sabbath that they were exempt from military service by the Romans.

In the few hundred years after Nehemiah and Ezra, after the decline of the prophetic movement and the subsequent rise of the scribes and teachers of the law, Sabbath laws became more formalized, as there was “a need to interpret and apply the past revelation of God’s will to the various situations that confronted the community. The guidelines for ethics, as well as apparently outmoded regulations, were applied by prominent teachers to the ever changing situations that confronted the Jewish nation.” The rabbis were aware of the relative silence of Scriptures with regard to day to day living, and they tried to apply their interpretation of the Sabbath law to almost every Jewish activity. Slowly but surely the Sabbath by-laws grew in volume.
Various documents like the Jubilees (ca. 150 B.C.) and the Damascus Document (ca. 100 B.C.) reflected a strict and uncompromising observance of the Sabbath, especially among the Essenes and the Qumran community. Their laws were so strict that even sexual intercourse and defecation was prohibited during the Sabbath. These laws, however, also allowed the saving of life to take precedence over the Sabbath.
Rabbinic laws, which were formalized in the Halakah, were the main teachings that the Jews took great pains to follow. The rabbis tried to answer two main questions concerning the Sabbath: First, they defined what constituted an offense against the law of God. Second, they defined what released a person from the obligation to fulfill the Sabbath law.
Two rabbinic schools existed at that time, Beth Shammai that taught, “ From the first day of the week, prepare yourself for the Sabbath,” and Beth Hillel which taught, “Blessed be the Lord day by day.” Even among the rabbis existed differences in opinion as to what constituted the proper observance of the Sabbath. For one, it was an end in itself; and for another, it was the culmination and expression of an attitude. Yet one thing was certain, to fulfill the Sabbath law was to be counted as righteous.
In the Mishnah, the rabbis determined the 39 avot melakhah (lit. “fathers of work) which included sowing, ploughing, reaping, binding sheaves, threshing, winnowing, sorting, grinding, sifting, kneading, baking, shearing sheep, washing wool, beating wool, dyeing wool, spinning, weaving, making two loops, weaving two threads, separating two threads, tying, loosening, sewing two stitches, tearing, hunting a deer, slaughtering, flaying, salting, curing a skin, scraping the hide, cutting, writing two letters, erasing in order to write two letters, building, pulling down a structure, extinguishing a fire, lighting a fire, striking with a hammer, moving something.
Out of each avot melakhah would arise toledah (“derivatives”) that were to be observed as strictly as the avot melakhah. For example, a derivative of reaping would be to cut flowers or pick fruit.
In order to prevent someone from inadvertently transgressing the law, the rabbis also instituted further rulings, examples of which included gezerot, muktseh, nolah, shevut and eruv.
To give an example of how one could get around these laws, “If his teeth pain him he may not suck vinegar through them but he may take vinegar after his usual fashion, and if he is healed he is healed.” (Shabb. Xiv.4) Outwardly, there was the appearance of “righteousness” in obeying the absolute letter of the law, yet there existed ways in which the law could be circumvented. The heavy burden of the additional laws therefore necessitated “escape routes” which could excuse the otherwise transgressor of the law.
There were, however, cases in which these rules could be overridden. The expression used for such situations was אֶת־הַשַׁבָּת חִין דּוֹ – “push aside the Sabbath”. These include the duties of the priests and humanitarian acts to save life.
These were but some of the laws of the Sabbath that the Jew was expected to follow to the strictest detail if he was to be considered righteous and devout. The Jew was sincere in his desire to obey the Lord, but “as time went on, an anxious and ultimately a superstitious dread of profaning the sabbath asserted itself; the spiritual was subordinated to the formal, restrictions were multiplied, till at length those who were really important and reasonable were buried beneath a crowd of regulations of the pettiest description.”
The original concept of the Sabbath had, by now, been largely lost to the Jew. The attempts of the teachers of the law to define and re-define work over the years and centuries, albeit well-meaning in the beginning, had robbed the liberty of the first Sabbath; and replaced it with a false sense of security but a true sense of burden.

JESUS AND THE SABBATH

It was into this kind of spiritual climate that Jesus came into, one of extensive and sometimes ludicrous laws which sought to define what a Jew could and could not do on the Sabbath. Much of what was originally planned for man on the Sabbath was lost in a quest to obey the letter of the law. What was meant to liberate had become a shackle.
Jesus’ encounters with the teachers of the law over the Sabbath issues revolved around his apparent breaking of their understanding and institution of the law. He, therefore, sought to correct the misconception of the people by asking if it was lawful to do good on the Sabbath (Matt. 12:12) , by challenging the rigid and uncompromising but stifling legal restrictions of the Pharisees.
He brings us back one full circle to the origin of the Sabbath, as it was meant to be, to serve mankind for rest and to bring blessing. He declared that the “Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath” (Mark 2:27, NIV)

CONCLUSION

What can Christians learn from the Jewish Sabbath – when we are not bound by the law to practice it ? What lessons can we draw from the experience of the Jews in the wilderness when they were first commanded to keep the Sabbath day, after their return from the Babylonian exile and heard the words of Nehemiah exhorting them to observe the holy Sabbath, and their encounters with Jesus who continued to heal and to do what was lawful in the eyes of the Lord (unlawful in the eyes of the teachers of the law) ?
Have we lost our “Sabbath Rest” in the Lord by not dedicating time for worship, for remembrance of His grace and deliverance, for renewal of our covenantal relationship with our God ? Have we replaced the genuinely needful with outward “Christian rules and regulations” ? Have we exchanged our freedom for legalism ?

Perhaps this study will also bring us back one full circle. Back to basics.

Passion - A Review

2004-11-11T21:31:00.000+08:00

Introduction

Dramatization of the passion of Christ has been around for many centuries, and has developed from simple passion plays in the Greek theatre to the sophisticated cinematography of the last century. Religious films have always received widespread attention from both believers and non-believers alike, receiving both acclaim as well as deep criticism.
The recent movie, “Passion of the Christ”, likewise, was received with much anticipation. Directed and produced by Mel Gibson at a personal cost of US$25 million, it was released on 25th February 2004, and amassed US$125 million in the opening five days.
The movie covers the final 12 hours of Jesus Christ and begins in the Garden of Gethsemane. It traces his arrest by the Jewish authorities, his trials before Pilate and Herod, His scourging, the walk to Golgotha and finally the crucifixion. Finally there is a short scene of the resurrection.
Much has already been said and written about this movie by both adherents and critics alike.
To make a fair assessment of this film, one must examine the intent of the director and see if he, indeed, was faithful to his purpose. The genre of the film is also important in our review as a historical work is different from an artistic film. To what extent should artistic license have been allowed in the film ? To what extent should the director be allowed to interpret and add events ?

“My intention for this film was to create a lasting work of art and to stimulate serious thought and reflection among diverse audiences of all backgrounds…My ultimate hope is that this story’s message of tremendous courage and sacrifice might inspire tolerance, love and forgiveness. We’re definitely in need of those things in today’s world…When you tackle a story that is so widely known and has so many different pre-conceptions, the only thing you can do is remain as true as possible to the story and your own way of expressing it creatively… This is what I tried to do… I really wanted to express the hugeness of the sacrifice, as well as the horror of it. But I also wanted a film that has moments of real lyricism and beauty and an abiding sense of love, because it is ultimately a story of faith, hope and love. That, in my view, is the greatest story we can ever tell…One of the greatest hopes I have for this film is that when audiences walk away from it, they will be inspired to ask more questions”.
(Mel Gibson)

By the end of this paper, I hope to have explored the merits of the film as well as the boundaries that have been crossed. Finally, the question remains, “Where does the film lead us to in our own walk with God?”

A Critical Review

The Story or His-Story ?

The official website of the movie reports that the screenplay was adapted from the four gospels. There was no mention of alternative sources. However, a critical look at the film will reveal that certain scenes were either additions from non-biblical sources or an artistic license and interpretation taken by the director.
The director’s own religious background was fundamental in his interpretation and expression of the film. He belongs to the Traditionalist wing of the Roman Catholic Church, which still performed the Mass in Latin, abstains from meat on Fridays, avoids ecumenism and other things that were changed at the Vatican II Council in the 1960s.
Two important sources which he admitted to have influenced the screenplay of the film included “The Dolorous Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ”, written by St. Anne Catherine Emmerich (1774-1824), an Augustian nun at the Convent of Agnetenberg, Germany and “The Mystical City of God”, written by St. Mary of Agreda (1602-1665) .
Gibson also relied heavily on the Catholic “Stations of the Cross” as well as the “Five Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary” in showing the sequence of events in the last 12 hours of Jesus’ life. The road to Golgotha followed the 14 “Stations of the Cross” strictly and included extra-biblical events like the wiping of Jesus’ face by St. Veronica’s cloth which resulted in his face being imprinted on it, Jesus falling three times with Mary urging him on, and the cradling of Jesus’ body by Mary after his death (also known as the Pieta).
Gibson claimed to “remain as true as possible to the story”. Perhaps he was really sincere in what he said because he regarded his extra-biblical sources as being as authoritative as the four Gospels. In fact, Pope John Paul II, after watching the movie, was said to have commented, “It is as it was.”
A closer look will reveal this movie to be the Roman Catholic version of the passion of Christ, something which Protestants should be aware of, lest we accept this film lock, stock and barrel, and laud it as some Evangelical church leaders have done. (See Annex 1) The merits of the film should be balanced against the extra-biblical and Roman Catholic slants.

Realistic portrayal or just gory extravagance ?

The impressive set designs, costumes and lighting gave the film an authentic feeling of epic proportions. The use of the original languages (Aramaic and Latin) was applaudable for its effort and, together with the brilliant cinematography, brought out the flavour of those times very well. However I question if it added anything more to the understanding of the film, other than making it intelligible to the ordinary viewer without subtitles.
The director wanted to “express the hugeness of the sacrifice, as well as the horror of it”. This he did with a heavy, and almost exclusive, emphasis on the suffering of Christ. He devoted a full ten minutes to the scourging scene which has horrified many viewers and elicited some strong reactions as to its appropriateness. Interestingly, Gibson paid a lot of attention on an event which had very little written about it in the four gospels. In fact, a survey of the gospels only mentioned that Pilate “had Jesus flogged”. (Matt 27:26, Mark 15:15, John 19:1) The flagellation of Jesus is a vital part of the “Stations of the Cross” and is one of the “Five Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary”. It is with this background in mind that we can understand why this scene was so prominent in the film.
However, the question beckons. Why is it then that the gospel writers were so brief in their description of this event ? Full chapters, on the other hand, were written about Christ’s crucifixion. For them, surely, the crucifixion of Christ on the cross was the climax of his mission on earth and therefore deserved much reporting. Indeed the apostle Paul said, “we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles.” (1 Cor 1:23)
Whilst the scourging scene may have been over-indulged in, the crucifixion scene, on the other hand, was well done, although the scene of Christ’s arm being dislocated for the crucifixion was borrowed from St. Mary of Agreda’s “The Mystical City of God”.
Did Gibson go overboard in his attempt to show Christ’s suffering ? Was it a true portrayal or just gory Hollywood extravagance reminiscent of Gibson’s previous movies ?
I feel he did well to realistically remind Christians just how much Christ went through for our sins. Modern day Christianity, by and large, has forgotten Christ’s sacrifice and perhaps, needs a reminder as to the immensity of our sin that has required such an immense sacrifice.

The Struggle between Good and Evil

The appearance of Satan in various scenes was used to portray the dark and evil times during those last 12 hours. From the beginning of the movie, Satan was portrayed as the tempter in the Garden of Gethsemane – questioning Jesus’ right and ability to bear the sins of the world. The scene in which Jesus stomped on the head of the serpent was an allusion to the passage in Genesis 3:15b in which it was written : “he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel”. This scene is adapted from Emmerich’s “the Dolorous Passion” and never happened in the biblical record. In fact, an angel strengthened Jesus after his prayer in the garden. (Luke 22:43)
Further on, Satan was personified in the diabolical children who tormented Judas Iscariot after his betrayal and subsequently led to his suicide.
Satan was again seen during the scourging of Jesus and once again at his death.
As much as one would like to believe and acknowledge the part played by the evil one in the death of Christ, one must also acknowledge the fact that the biblical writers did not mention the role of Satan at all. In fact, the only one-on-one encounter (barring the exorcisms) between Jesus and Satan occurred during the temptation in the desert after Christ’s baptism.
The constant appearance of the devil as the “antagonist” versus Jesus the “protagonist”, I feel, has sensationalized and added a touch of Hollywood into the film. Far from providing answers, it has raised unanswerable questions about the significance of the scene of the baby in the devil’s arms, his androgynous appearance, his appearance in the Garden of Gethsemane – all of which were absent from the biblical records.
The bible is silent as to the part played by the devil in the death of Christ. What it is not silent about, however, is the part played by man. Ultimately, what or who sent Jesus to the cross ? Was it Satan ? No. Was it just the Jews ? No. All of us did. Was it a lost battle between good and evil that sent Christ to the cross? No. Jesus said, “I lay down my life--only to take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. I lay it down on my own.” (John 10:17-18) It was never a losing battle. It was a quest and a journey. He was intent on the cross from the beginning. It was His choice. A necessary choice.

Mary – A mother’s love or the Mother Loved ?

The biblical records are also relatively silent about Mary, especially in relation to the passion of Christ. She is only mentioned during the crucifixion when she was presented to the care of John the disciple by Jesus.
The movie gives Mary much more exposure than is mentioned in the bible. She is present at the trial of Jesus and when he is imprisoned, she seems to have fore-knowledge as to his location.
She is also present at the scourging of Jesus and, together with Mary Magdalene, wipe his blood from the ground. This particular scene is adapted from Chapter 23 of Emmerich’s “Dolorous Passion of Jesus”.
Mary is again seen on the way to Golgotha, during which she gives strength to Jesus when he falls to the ground under the weight of the cross. This scene is taken from the Catholic “Stations of the Cross”. There are flashbacks to the early life of Christ where Mary is seen running to aid of infant Jesus when he falls. Now in his adulthood and during his passion, Mary is again seen running to the aid of Jesus. At this point, Jesus is seen drawing strength from her presence and saying, “Behold I make all things new.”
One must realize that the director’s Catholic background has clearly influenced his interpretation of Mary’s role in Christ’s sacrifice. The belief that Mary is the co-redemptrix (co-redeemer) and mediatrix is alluded to in these scenes in which she is seen as suffering alongside the Suffering Saviour. There is even one scene at the cross where she says to Jesus, “My son, let me die with you.”
Throughout the movie, Mary is also reverently called “Mother” by Jesus’ disciples, a clear Catholic slant since all Catholics address Mary as “Mother”. Her quiet strength and unfailing support for her Son spoke clearly of a mother’s love for her child. This was all the more made poignant by the scene in which Mary was seen cradling the body of Jesus after he was brought down from the cross. This is in contrast with the biblical record in John 19:38-40 which mentioned only Joseph of Arimathaea and Nicodemus taking down Jesus’ body
It is one thing to portray and honour a mother’s love. It is another thing to exalt Mary as the Mother, the Co-Redemptrix, the Mediatrix.
“Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." (Acts 4:12)

There is only one Saviour, one Redeemer, one Mediator.

In conclusion,

This movie should be commended for its attempt to portray the sacrifice of our Lord in a realistic non-sentimental manner. It serves to remind Christians, who would otherwise not have an understanding of the physical pain and suffering that our Lord went through for us. The discomfort that many have felt during the movie surely stems from the fact that we have been shielded from the reality of the cross on which our Suffering Saviour hung for six hours. It jolted me to the realization of the immensity of my Saviour’s love for me – especially as the images of him being whipped flashed across the screen again and again. Indeed, “with his stripes we are healed”. (Isa 53:5) His determination to the cross and his utter commitment to remain ON the cross until “it is finished” (John 19:30) speaks volumes of my need for a Saviour who would carry my sins for me. There was no other way.
It is also commendable that the movie did not end with the death but the resurrection of Jesus. It did not end with hopelessness but with victory and an anticipation of things to come. This, I feel, was an appropriate ending and a means for further discussion should this film be used as an evangelistic tool. The hope of the Christian lies not in the death of Christ, but His resurrection – because “if Christ be not raised, your faith is vain.” (1 Cor 15:17)

Whilst this movie can be used as a valuable evangelistic tool, one must be aware of the subtle innuendoes present in the film. The strong Roman Catholic background with its Marian focus and theology must be made known to Christians who might be tempted to embrace this film in its entirety. A call for greater discernment should be made. Ambiguous scenes, involving the devil and other characters, that are not found in the biblical records should and must not be embraced as gospel truth, just because this film shows some semblance to a religious work.

Annex 1

Some comments from respected Evangelical church leaders :

“Everytime I preach or speak about the Cross, the things I saw on the screen will be on my head and mind.” - Billy Graham

“I can’t tell you how I admire, respect and applaud you … an awe-inspiring portrayal of the last hours of Jesus’ life. It is an accurate account of Jesus’ real suffering for the sins of the whole world.” - Dr. Robert Schuller

“Brilliant, biblical – a masterpiece” – Rick Warren

“deeply moving, factually accurate and unprejudiced in its presentation” – Jack Hayford

Loss of Manhood ...

2004-11-08T18:07:00.000+08:00

Certainly not mine ! My jewels are definitely and thankfully FULLY intact.

It's my cat ... I've been procrastinating about spaying him for months, even when he started spraying around the house, even when a female stray cat found her way to my doorstep one day - my aunt was wondering why Astro was sitting and looking intently at the door ... she has since put a big cardboard box outside the door (as if it would make a difference ...)

Anyway ... I was happily delaying the inevitable until 3 nights ago ... or rather 3 mornings ago (at the unearthly hour of 2 am), Astro decided to climb unto my bed and step all over me ... "Aww... how sweet to climb into bed..." I thought sleepily as I pur my arms around him to bring him to the other side ... "eh ... how come he's so wet ah ..." (sniff sniff) "EH ... HOW COME GOT SMELL AH?" (SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF) "ARRGH ! HOW COME MY BLANKET IS WET AH ?!?!?!"

Yes ... they say male cats spray to claim territory ... I had been claimed as his own.

Dragged myself out of bed. Changed the bedsheet. Changed the blanket. Blanket soaked through with pee. Put the blanket outside. All this after "manhandling" the cat...

Very cold. No comforter.

For the first, and I hope the last, time of my life, I slept in my sleeping bag on my bed. HOW STUPID CAN IT GET ?

Anyway ... the appointment was made for the surgery. Astro emerged very much alive and well, minus his jewels.

He is still banned from my room and bed until further notice...

I'm back !

2004-11-07T19:53:00.000+08:00

I'm back after a long hiatus. Didn't quite have much to whine about lately ... actually I did, but just couldn't get it out in words ... just like my assignment on the Sabbath. I have NEVER worked til so late on an assignment before ... but then I did start 2 days before the deadline... Thank God for His grace.

Well ... now I'm starting on a movie review on the "Passion of the Christ" - supposed to be 4 pages long ... Can't really bring myself to watch it yet another time. It's due in 2 days' time. Been waiting for inspiration to write. Waiting, waiting, waiting. It ain't coming. So I guess I have to start. :)

Oh well ... here goes ...

Back to the classroom ...

2004-09-15T18:35:00.000+08:00

Ok, so I just signed up for a 3-month, once-weekly, 2-credit bible course on the "Life of Christ". Shouldn't be a problem I thought ... after all, I had more than 20 years of classroom experience under my belt. (besides, I don't think they're as stringent at bible college - I whispered to myself.)

Boy, was I wrong.

I was given what I thought was a 100+ page textbook on the harmony of the gospels. Then the real textbook came - all 500+ pages. Essential reading.

Then the first lesson last night. Homework. Every week. 2 written assigments. She will mark it depending on whether we were Bachelor's or Master's level. Both research based. Bibliographies needed from at least 5 academic sources ... Should be quite fun, I thought ... Until I read the questions ... *faint*

I finally chose my topic "Background study on the Jewish attitude towards the Sabbath." Mucked around the internet for a while. Gave up. Emailed the lecturer for pointers. In all my 20 years of schooling, I had NEVER emailed my lecturer for help.
Guess it's never too late to start.

The lecturer started the evening with a prayer, that the study would warm our hearts. At the end of the 2 hours, she exhorted us into action, based on what we had learnt. Then she prayed again for us. For one with an attention span of 20 minutes and a 1 hour bladder capacity, I was amazed I sat through all 2 hours ! (of course with the mandatory toilet break but nothing else !)

I left the class of 10 (comprising a Korean, an Indonesian, an NSF, a psychiatrist, a lawyer/judge I dunno, a few more I intend to get to know), feeling strangely warmed in my heart and stirred in my spirit, excited to have learnt new things from old scriptures of my Lord.

I can't wait for the next lesson.

To know, but to do ?

2004-09-13T20:36:00.000+08:00

Yesterday's sermon was on "Treating people right". We learnt not to discriminate against or "towards" people, regardless of their status, race etc. Today, at work, I learnt it wasn't enough to just know about it. It is often necessary to do something about it.

We had 2 different ladies in labour today.

One was the First Lady of a certain neighbouring country. Her arrival created a not very small upheaval in our ward. The doors to other rooms had to be closed, hospital administration cleared the way for her arrival and the sisters actually "stood at attention" to welcome her.

The other was an over-stayer from a certain neighbouring country - a Cat A prisoner. Her arrival created a not very small upheaval in our ward - she was accompanied by 2 female guards. The door to her room had to be closed and the guards stay with her 24 hours to make sure she didn't run away - as if she could... she was strapped to the bed. But what made me mad was when I tried ordering pain relief for her labour pains. I was told by the guards. "You need to write a memo and fax it to our officer." Ok, I did it twice. She still didn't progress in her labour and the pains were becoming unbearable. I ordered an epidural.
"Oh... No, She can't have an epidural"
"Oh? Why?"
"She can't. I think it's a cost issue."
"Cost ? I pay taxes right?"
"Er .. ya. We also pay taxes."
"I don't understand. She needs an epidural. Who can I speak to ?"

In short, I had to call the HQ. Speak to the higher-ups. Get them to fax a form. Fill up the form. Fax it back. Wait for it to get approved. By which time, I half expected the baby to have swum out already ...
She finally got her epidural.

Two ladies. Both in labour. One was privileged. The other "unacceptable" (in the words of the movie "Terminal"). One could have whatever she asked for. The other was refused the basic relief from pain.
Could I have done nothing ? Of course. To do something more was really inconvenient. After all, I was already taking care of her as my patient - I didn't discriminate against her even though she was a "criminal" in the eyes of the law.
What if I did nothing ? Would I not have given my approving nod to what was already accorded to her - discrimination from quality care ?

Maybe mental "indiscrimination" is just not enough.

Godspeak

2004-09-04T16:27:00.000+08:00

God speaks in mysterious ways. Sometimes, He whispers. Other times, He shouts. Oftentimes, I'm too deaf to hear either way.

What then does He do to get my attention ? He removes my distractions. He removes me from my distractions. Oftentimes, I'm still too distracted to hear. It gets too quiet.

Then He brings people along the way. Innocent comments that speak straight to the heart. He brings situations along the way. Innocent events that remind me of His Word.

Too deaf and distracted. Too stubborn and proud. Too fearful.

And still He continues to whisper. Still He remains patient.

A little self discovery

2004-09-03T01:08:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow I present my scientific findings to an international community (sounds glamorous but nothing really, I just put up a scientific poster ... no need to talk).

I thought nothing of it initially... until it struck me. Meeting all these brilliant researchers from all over the world, seeing their life work, their enthusiasm to share with the rest of the world their projects made me wonder what we Christians are doing with the greatest "discovery" that this world has ever,will ever and must ever know.

Imagine substituting every one of these brilliant scientists with a Christian, each telling the world his or her great discovery of the GOD of the universe. Imagine every Christian able to substantiate his claim in front of a questioning audience, doubly and triply sure that his story should be told to as many as will hear.

...

Let's not even imagine. We HAVE the greatest discovery of all. Should it not compel us to want to tell the whole world what we have found ? But what do we do ? We hide our light under the bushel. We are too shy. (Too shy ? Because we do not believe ? Because the good news ain't good enough we fear ? Because we are afraid the world won't believe us ? Does it make our news any less worthy if they reject it ?)

So what's my little scientific discovery compared to the LOVE of GOD revealed to me ?
I have travelled half the world to share science. Where have I gone to share HIS LOVE ?

...

Tomorrow I present my scientific findings to an international community.

So what ?