Which side of glory ?

People tell me my future is bright. Got a good degree, found a cushy job, working towards a specialist degree that promises good returns ...

I tell myself I am happy with where I am and what I do. I had worked hard (looking back, it's been close to 20 years of studying) to get where I am now. I enjoy working with people and doing my research work. The future seems so promising.

And yet there is this nagging dissatisfaction and discontent in my heart. A reminder of a calling more than 10 years ago. It had remained dormant all these years, and now is getting stronger, louder, persistent.

Why now ? I ask. Why not earlier when I had little to lose ? Why not later when I will have accomplished more ? Why now ? When I have so much at stake ?
Someone told me yesterday - But He gave His all for you.

I cried buckets a few days ago, kneeling at the foot of my bed, wrestling with myself, and Him. On which side of glory do I stand ? What will I choose ?

I cannot see the city at the end of the road. And yet I am called to begin the journey. Will I have enough for the trip ? Will my future still be bright ?

Will I pick the chaff or the gold ?

Which side of glory ?

I have a dream ...

I had a dream about 5 years ago and was waiting for it to come true yesterday. Call me silly but I dreamt I would die when I reached 30 or 55 (I couldn't decide, cos the dream wasn't specific). I hit the first figure yesterday.
"Carpe diem" they say. That's what I did, or tried to do the last 5 years. I wanted to make the most of the remaining time left, just in case.

Now that I've gotten past the 30-year hurdle, I wonder if I've really got 25 more years. To enjoy ? To live ? To exist ?

Call it mid-mid-life crisis if you will, but hitting the 3rd decade of your life mellows you a little, matures you a little and melts you a little.

"Years to life" and "life to years", they say. So what's most important ? "What does a man profit, if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?" Is not our life like a passing cloud ? So what if I've got only 5 more minutes to go ? What do I do with it ? Do I wait for a crisis to decide to impact my world ? Do I wait for a terminal illness before I decide to redeem the time to do His work ? Do I wait for the last breath to say the first "I love you" to someone dear ?

So what's most important ?

Brain Jam

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (60%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (46%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Pour out. Pour in. Pour on.

Three stories kept coming into my mind yesterday.

Story 1
Elijah and the widow. She had only one jar of oil and some flour left. He said to feed him. She did. The result ? The oil and flour never ran out.
Pour out.

Story 2
Elisha and the widow. She needed money. He said to pour oil into as many jars as she could find. The result ? Every jar she found was filled.
Pour in.

Story 3
Jesus and the prostitute. She poured the expensive perfume on his feet. They said it was wasteful. He said her story will always be remembered.
Pour on.


Will I give what little I have to God, when He asks ? Even if it meant the world to me?
Will I miss the chance to experience the never-ending flour and oil ?

Will I limit God's abundant providence ? Or will I inconvenience myself to look for more jars - so that He can fill more ?

Will I keep the perfume to myself ?

"Like oil upon your feet, like wine for You to drink, I pour my love on You."

A drink offering. Poured out.
A pleasant perfume. Poured on.
An abundant blessing. Poured in.