An operative experience

I went for my operation on Wednesday and survived to tell it.

Was told by more than one person that I would be feeling nervous and scared one night before and on the day of the operation. So I decided to tire myself out the night before as well as stuff my face silly with food (I had to starve from 12 midnight til the next day). I went to sleep after 12.

Overslept the next morning. My dad called my handphone at 6.05 am. He was already at the carpark waiting for me. Hurriedly I got ready. I had to be admitted by 7 am. The operation was at 8.30 am.

I asked for A1+ ward - why not? since my medical benefits entitled me to A1 class and my insurance and medisave would cover everything... it would also be far away from prying eyes of my colleagues ...

well done ... forgot to bring my wallet. No medical benefits card. No IC. "FAINT"
"we will have to trust you then..." said the nice clerk.

at day surgery, they were nice enough to give me my own room to rest before the op. great... i had to wear the operating gown, with nothing underneath ... so cold ... so naked ...

i had to climb onto the operating table myself - and that was holding on to my gown at the same time, trying to prevent my naked butt from showing... so embarassing. Great ... got medical student there too - FEMALE ... sigh ... I'm sure she will prod me when I am under GA. oh well ... ignorance is bliss ...

I think the anesthestist missed my vein as I was breathing in the nitrous oxide. I could hear her sigh and say "How could I miss a doctor's vein?" I remember saying "It's ok" through the mask as I drifted to sleep ...

The next thing I know - "Dr Tan - wake up !" as the tube was pulled out of my throat ... hey ! wasn't I supposed NOT to feel that ? anyway, before long I was wheeled into my room.

Awww ... such love and concern I felt when my cell group came to visit. In line with our communistic ethos, my bird's nest (donated by my colleague)was kidnapped by pastor irene - to be given away to her friend; the bunch of real flowers was taken by joanna - to make her friend happy; and one stalk of cartoon flowers accompanied tabby home to make her students happy... It felt great to contribute to the general happiness of people I didn't know... :) I went home with 2 stalks of cartoon flowers.

Of course, as usual, the cell started discussing where to eat as I was devouring my tasteless fish and brocolli. Melvin was kind enough to take a picture of the char kway tiao etc to show me later in the evening... Before the gang left, pastor and the cell wsa kind enough to pray for a speedy recovery and to ask our Lord for forgiveness for making me laugh more than once during their visit - yes, it hurt everytime I laughed...

Then the nurse refused to give me ponstan for my pain. (the panadol where got enough ?!?!) Her reason "Oh, but you are allergic to NSAIDS" My reply "But I have taken ponstan before" My mind "You silly nurse - I AM A DOCTOR !"
Ok. I finally got my ponstan. Managed to sleep through the night.

Ok ... so I have been home the last two days. Never slept so much in my life. Must be the temgesic (read painkiller - morphine derivative which made me drowsy and nauseous).

On MC the next 2 weeks. So many things to do on my list...

Meow ...

You are a Siamese! You are fun-loving, playful,
energetic, talkative, and exotic. You are the
center of attention and you love every minute
of it.


What breed of cat are you?
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Getting more frivolous ...

Cocktail


?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
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Something less serious ...

You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.


What kind of kiss are you?
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Give up your small ambitions

The temptations and questions came like a flood this week. Suddenly I found myself asking if I really wanted to give up being a specialist, give up having my own patients, give up the chance of operating ...

Perhaps I should just take the exams ... postpone the studies a little bit.

Then I went for my "History of Missions" class. In my post-call stupor, with mints in my mouth to keep awake through the "droning" of the lecturer, I was suddenly prodded awake by a statement that he made out of the blue (out of the blue cos I wasn't paying attention to his preceding statements).

"Give up your small ambitions"

This statement was spoken by St. Francis Xavier (a Jesuit missionary) in the 17th century - sent to the university students back home in Europe. "Tell them to give up their small ambitions, and come East to preach the gospel."

Give up my small ambitions ... Lord, help me to see the big picture.

God and Caesar

Render to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's.

So what does this mean ? Pay your taxes ? And give your tithes ?
That's all ?

Until I realised what "belongs" to Caesar also belongs to God. HE owns everything, does He not ?

So when I honour my duty to "Caesar", do I not also honour God ?

I guess this spills into every area of my life. There is no distinction between "secular" and "spiritual" work. In everything that you do, do it all for His glory. I honour God by honouring my boss, exept when the line is crossed.

Who convinced who ?

Was treated to a nice dinner at Mezza9 (Hyatt Hotel) on Tuesday by one of the hospital administrators. Her aim - to dissuade me from quitting. My aim - to convince her.

Ended up telling her my life story from tender age 16 when I first got my call, and how it became more sure, and of course how could I let up the chance of telling her the story of the 2 fleece. After all, she was the one who bought the digital cameras as prizes. Her eyes nearly popped.

Anyway, at the end of the dinner, she said she was convinced. Convinced that I would leave, and convinced there was a God. I had to tell her that she needed to know which God ... But that, I'm sure, will be the subject of another meal. (not bad to have evangelistic dinners !)

Like what we learnt at the apologetics class, evangelism is a process. Sometimes the process is short, other times it may be long drawn. Are we willing to be part of that process ?

I hope I can bring her through the process before I leave.

Paradigm Shift Two

How many fleece do I need to confirm that He wants all of me ? Is not the desire growing stronger each day ? Is He not bringing people along the way to confirm, admonish and encourage - just as He promised ?

True to the Singapore spirit, two is enough Lord.

Forgive my lack of faith.

"I will never be the same again
I will never return
I've closed the door
I will walk the path
I'll run the race
And I will never be the same again."

Paradigm Shift One

I had always looked at full-time ministry as a sacrifice. A sudden loss of regular income, a future of uncertainty, a turning away from the good life to one of austerity/poverty.

I cannot be more wrong.

Is it not a priviledge to be called ? Is it not an awesome thing to be in the payroll of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords ?

Sacrifice ? What am I sacrificing ? What am I giving up for ? What do I gain ? Ah... paradigm shift number one.

Read somewhere : The problem with the desire of man's heart is not that it is too strong. Rather it is too weak. We are too easily satisfied. We settle for material comforts and say we are happy. We settle for Christian mediocrity and say we have arrived.

Strengthen my desire for You, Abba. After Your own heart.

It is no sacrifice to plunge into something greater.

He's serious. How serious am I ?

If I was to go for full-time studies, I would really need to start packing my stuff. The other room would have to turn into a study of sorts. This would mean I would need shelves, a proper study table etc.

So my silent prayer to Father again - another fleece laid before Him.

A few days ago, I was at the bookstore with Mel. Suddenly he turned to me and said, "I think I'll get you a bookshelf."

I looked at him, "You just answered my second prayer."

His jaw dropped to basement two. My hair stood on end.

Two down.

Father's really serious about this.